War and Tranquility

eight

He regarded her absently as they walked. Her boots made soft sounds against the damp ground, her breathing was slow, unbothered, even as they grew closer to this may be hide out.

"What is the plan of approach?"

Solas grunted. "We should be cautious, she is unpredictable. We cannot even be sure that she will be here, or that she even inhabits a place. She could exist solely in the Fade, and only make visits to the waking world when she sees necessary."

Rihari nodded. "If that's true then this trip may have been for nothing. She could be watching us now. Or at the least keeping tabs."

He nibbled at the inside of his cheek, the soft flesh peeling away easily and satisfyingly. She was right, he had rushed in without thinking this through. Most likely she wouldn't be here, but her army men could be.

For now they should proceed.

"Why come on foot, Solas?" Rihari asked.

He sighed. "It is a quieter approach, one that does not invite suspicion of our identities."

She hummed in understanding. "Why wouldn't we want to be noticed? Some may join our fight."

"Quiet," he snapped.

She was instantly silenced. Inwardly she tugged at the tangled mess that were her thoughts. How everything became such a mess, she could only guess. She supposed that losing the ability to feel took away her right to strong ideals, leaving her thoughts a jumbled mess of facts and hardly any real opinions to speak of.

"There," he pointed, "is that it?"

The castle was shanty to say the least. The roof was in shambles. Mud caked the bottom two feet of the walls, mostly dried except for the last few inches where the wall met the soft ground.

"Yes," she stated, "but I don't understand. It doesn't look this bad in my own time."

Solas frowned. "Maybe they rebuilt it?"

"I suppose. That's just usually the opposite of how buildings age over a millennia."

It was true, though it was not out the realm of possibility that someone stumbled upon it and thought it was worth saving; that it was worth rebuilding it.

They made a slow and careful approach, moving deliberately and silently as they crept closer. There were no guards to be seen, no sentry by the door either. Rihari glanced up at the watchtowers and found they were empty also.

"I do not believe anyone is here," Solas whispered.

"It doesn't appear so," Rihari agreed.

"Wait a moment." He held a hand up as if holding the time he spoke of in place.

A moment turned out to be something closer to half an hour. Rihari watched the sun inch closer to the horizon as the climate of the marsh turned sticky. Moisture from the air was sucked down with every breath, thick and heavy with the sickly sulfurous smell of the swamp. Even still, she preferred this smell over that of the undead rising from the water. The stench of their waterlogged bodies as they got closer was still a vivid memory, a scent locked away in her brain forever, linked to this place.

"No one is here, Solas," she stated.

"Probably."

They made a cautious approach regardless. As expected, no one was there. Solas rested his hands on his hips  and sighed. "Came a long way for nothing."

"So it would seem."

He waved towards the castle. "After you."

After carefully scouring the ruins and coming up empty, they returned to the crumbling entrance. Solas looked back towards the way they had came. The setting sun made his blue eyes seem almost translucent.

"We could stay the night," he stated.

"I'm sure this place has some fascinating secrets, yeah?"

"Certainly," he mumbled offhandedly. Was this some attempt at caring? He couldn't be sure, though the idea of walking the Fade in this unknown place  was intriguing.

"Well enough, we will stay here the night." He turned from the sun, taking the vibrancy from his eyes with him.

She felt something in her stomach. A flutter. Was it emotion? Was it a sliver of feeling surfacing deep inside? Her stomach rolled as if on cue. Not emotion, just hunger.

........

A too large rat was skewered over a sputtering flame. She swallowed down the drool gathering in her mouth as she watched it turn slowly, moved by an unseen hand of magical tendrils.

Solas' voice was pricking at her focus on the rat, dragging her out of her trance slowly.

"Are you listening to me?"

She sat up straighter and pulled her eyes over to where he was standing. She nodded, just a small white lie.

"They are simply evil," he mumbled. "You were all that I wanted. I would have given up everything else to just be with you, just to have you back."

He sat down hard onto the dirty stone floor. "And what's more, they knew that. They knew I would have given up the fight, so this was just an act of unbridled hate. Unnecessary action."

"They wanted to hurt you," she stated, "they said so themselves."

"Well, mission accomplished." He slid his hands over his face and let them fall back to his lap with a plop.

He peered into the growing fire without blinking. "Why even bother fighting anymore?" He sighed deeply, "none of it matters anymore."

"They have to be stopped, Solas." She scooted closer towards the right of his form.

He pulled his knees up to his chest. It gave him a small and vulnerable quality that Rihari deduced her former self would have thought adorable. In reality it was him putting up a defense against the too close proximity of her body.

"You look like her. You technically are her.. but they took everything that made you special away."

He tossed another piece of wood into the fire. It hissed as the moisture in the wood was smoldered out. "As much as I want to hate you, I just can't."

He glanced over at her before diverting his eyes back to the flames, now licking at the rat, making its skin hiss as greases leaked out.

"As much of you that they took away, I know that the rest of you is here, that this is all that's left. I cannot let that go. So as much as I want to hate you, I can't because I still love you. Or what's left of you. A shell of you is better than nothing at all."

"I think I understand," she said. "I'm sorry."

"You have not done anything to be sorry about," he mumbled.

"No, but I want to love you. I just don't know how."

He pressed his head against the top of his knees. "I know."