𝙄𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙨 | Why Dont We [✔️]

Let me go || C.B

Credit goes to averyonelovesjack

warning(s): cursing

Thoughts traveled through my mind as i laid down in my bed. Everything about me was exhausted; my eyes, my brain, my heart. Exhaustion just splattered through my bloodstream as i could barely keep my eye lids open. And yet, there was something deep inside of me that kept me awake.

It wasn't something I'd done through the day. Not something too sugary, not something scary, not something mind blowing or amazing. Just something mentally draining.

My body was drenched in sweat, but i didn't move. The chances of my sleeping boyfriend beside me waking up was greater when i moved. And if he woke up, then all the thoughts that came through my brain would spill out of my mouth.

I sat silently on the couch, trying my best to focus my eyes on the tv that seemed to be moving faster than my brain could. Corbyn sat beside me, his fingertips resting gently on my knee, sending a shock wave through my body with one touch.

Within moments of me dazing off, I came back to Corbyn speaking to me, "hey, is everything ok?"

There was something different about him too; not necessarily a good different either. He seemed more tired than usual. And not the tired where he's been on tour for so long and spending long hours in the studio. the tired where everything inside of him seemed to be over me. He didn't look at me the way he'd looked at me in the years we'd spent together, first as friends and then more. His eyes were darker and his bags were bigger. So instead of the truth, i sent him a half-assed fake smile, "yeah. everything's great"

And when he looked away, giving me a forced smile, every single one of my thoughts was confirmed. Corbyn knew me. He knew everything about me, from my favorite color to the way i ate my pizza differently to the sounds i made when i was frustrated or turned on or happy. My boyfriend knew exactly how i was feeling, but nothing inside of him pushed him to question my easily false answer. He just pretended like i wasn't upset or like we both didn't know what was going to happen.

My heart shattered at the idea that we both were avoiding this. The conversation that was bound to happen at some point. We were two separate people, and while he was there for me during the most difficult times of my life, we'd grown apart.

I want the best for Corbyn, truly. Everything about him was amazing. He had a kind heart, always. There was no sense of evil inside of him, putting everyone else before him. Everyone who knew him understood that in a time of need, he'd be there to spare a shoulder and a laugh.

He's an amazing person who deserves an amazing person. There was no part of me that could love him the way that he deserved. I'm not a good girlfriend, i never have been and i don't know if i ever will be. Still, through the bumps and bruises and strains i'd caused this relationship, he put every piece of his heart into me and shaping me into a better person. And I am grateful for that, but i know deep down that he deserves someone much better than me.

These ideas had gathered inside of me for a while now, but nothing had given me the courage to say this. Nothing before today.

"let me go," My brain was no longer in control of my mouth when the whispered words formed on my lips. Corbyn's eyes shot up towards mine as i sat there, shocked in what i'd finally gotten out of my mouth, "leave me already"

"y/n-" he started but i cut him off.

"i know you're avoiding it just as much as i am," I explain, "it's not fair to you"

"i don't know what i've been avoiding, y/n. please stop" his voice was drained, no matter how hard he tried not to agree.

I shook my head at my boyfriend of several years, "us, corbyn. we're not good together anymore. let me go, leave me, find someone else"

his eyes saddened at the thought, but deep inside of him, corbyn wanted to do just so without any other words, "y/n"

my name fell off his lips as i closed my eyes, "I can't hurt you anymore. We were good for a while, but everything i do to you- It's intoxicating and you deserve someone better than me. You deserve to be loved in ways better than i can give you"

He stayed silent for several moments, taking in every single sentence i fed him. Corbyn's eyes frowned and thought, "It's not that, y/n. Stop thinking like that"

"I promise to you, Corbyn, you deserve so much better. Let me go. Leave me to someone who deserves me and go get yourself a girl who can treat you with more love and respect"

"i agree, it's been hard. But haven't we gotten through the bumps?" He told me.

"it's not enough. We're not enough anymore. You want to deny it, but i know you. You have been everything and more to me for so long and i know you well enough to see past the lies that leave your mouth. You're so tired with us, Corb. Stop lying to yourself and just leave"

"It's not that easy. i don't care how tired i am of this, i love you" he tells me, "you're my entire world. i can't just give up on you"

i watched as a tear dripped down his face and i looked away, trying to avoid a similar event but inevitably failing, "let me go"

"no"

"please"

"no"

"let me go"

"for godsakes, y/n! i'm not letting you get away"

"give me up, for your own good! go find the love of your fucking life and let me go. I'll be fine. I'll find somebody. I'll focus on school and i'll get a good job. Someone is out there for me, don't let your foolish thoughts think that i'm getting away. We'll both be fine. Find someone that can love you"

"it's not that easy," he let out a quivering breath, "you can't just assume we'll both be fine. Relationships are hard, but you don't just give up on them"

"it's not worth the strain. i'm not worth the strain, so just let me go" soft cries escaped my mouth as i began to break down in front of my boyfriend. this mental state of mine wasn't unfamiliar to him. it didn't make me uncomfortable to cry in front of my boyfriend normally, but today was different. today, crying felt weak. it felt as if i was letting him see my emotion, letting him see past a wall that i'd built.

"please, y/n"

"someone will love you, let me go" my tears fell faster as i stood up, his hand falling off my leg as my legs sprinted towards the front door. i nearly knocked over daniel on my way out, but fortunately i made it past him, able to close the door behind me as i found my car parked in the same spot it was parked everyday for three years.

i sat down quickly, wiping the tears away from my eyes and then placing my hands on the steering wheel. and now where to go...