Everything For You... (GirlxGirl)

Chapter Fourteen. .. #Trustme

*Cathy's P.O.V*

*Cathy's Journal Entry*

Today was amazing.
Emma makes me feel like no one else does.
She makes me light up inside.
She's my life.
My baby girl, and I love her so much, but after what happened with my previous crush, it made me fear what was to come in our relationship.

But, she was my best friend....
Thats why I'm so afraid.
Because I trusted her with my life.
I wanted her to be my first everything.
First kiss, first love, first girlfriend.
And to mamy people, thats strange.
I hadn't had my first kiss since Emma came along or my first girlfriend.
And I was so afraid of being hurt,
I knew that I wanted to trust her, but I couldn't.
At least, not yet.
Not until I'm 1000% positive that she wants this as much as I do, and that she isnt just playing with me.
And my feelings.
Like everybody else did.

*End of journal entry*

I put my journal away and sat in my room, thinking this over.

My parets were rarely ever at home.

They would mostly work late shifts, or take extra hours, across water.

So, I was usually allowed to invite friends over, to keep me company

Though, I didn't tell Emma about that , just yet, because then she'd ask about my food intake, and , I wasnt ready to answer those questions, and be hated for it, just yet.

I had a problem with my weight, ever since I was younger.

I've always been called fat and ugly by everyone...Even some of my family.

So I started starving myself, and eventually began losing a small amount of weight.

Thats when I started to self harm.

I couldn't  handle the fact that no one wanted to be with me, or even attempt to be as close as a class mate;aka casual light convocation.

And because I wasnt ever good enough.

My self esteem, or lack of, should I say, made me attempt to be louder and more exciting, which gained me a few friends, but also, a lot of negative comments about my speach and my personality.

I've always wished and longed for someone to tell me that I wasnt a waste of space and time.

To hold me and love me.

But, I've had to wait 15 years for a girlfriend.

My first girlfriend to be more persisted.

Yup, my first-ever girlfriend.

The only girl whom I've met, and who actually wants me.

Thats why I want to try to trust her, because I want her to be there for me.

I need her in my life.

And I was going to keep her.

She was mine, and mine only.

I had finally built up the courage to show Emma my dark side.

I called her and asked her to come over.

And I was praying that she wouldn't leave me because of it...

heyyyy....I've been trying to update for during the vacation, so I hope u guys enjoy.... :* :) ;)  Love yewwww..
See u soon.
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~CGX2