Part 3

Rap Battle

Atsushi and Junko were about to step into the office when they heard a commotion through the door.
"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH" came the voices of Akiko and Junnichiro, along with some beat in the background.
"Oh no, not THAT...." Junko sighed.
"Not what?" Atsushi looked at her.
"You'll see, but..." she said as she opened the door, "I doubt you'll get it."

Inside the office were Doppo sitting at his desk typing angrily, and Kirokugakari yelling, and that was the end of the things Atsushi could understand.
Akiko, Junnichiro and Kenji were all sitting on Ranpo's desk surrounding some kind of music playing device that played a beat Atsushi was not familiar with, Naomi was jumping around holding up a pair of speakers, and Ranpo and Osamu stood in front of each other making strange sounds and strange gestures and being strange in general.
It was all extremely strange.

"Guys, this is really not good for Kunikida-san's blood pressure..." Junko sighed again.
"It's fine, I'm a doctor~" Akiko spat back as she continued to cheer on.

"Yeah, now my apprentice is here to tell you what's up, cuz I'm all up in yo biz and I ain't gonna stop!" Ranpo gestured towards Junko, she just sighed a third time and walked over to her desk.
"Senpai, please don't drag me into this, I always end up ruining it for you..."

"Aw shit, got shot down by yo gurl, just be careful and try not to face me when you hurl!" Osamu said to the beat, followed by the cheering crowd's "OOOOOOHHHHHHH". Several clerks had surrounded the area and were yelled at by Kirokugakari to return to their work.

"What's... going on?" Atsushi found himself asking this question quite often in recent weeks.
"Rap battle, YO" Ranpo and Osamu both said at the same time and continued their exchange of fast paced rhyming lyrics that made very little sense to Atsushi. Something about hoes and money and spaghetti for some reason? It was very confusing.

Junnichiro was the first to aid him. "It's a thing they do when they're bored, they rap and roast each other until someone forfeits or a winner is declared."
"A winner? How do you win this thing?" Atsushi blinked.
"A severely sick burn, or a super impressive line. Something that would make one of them the unquestionable... umm... winner."
"I don't think I understand... what are the rules?"

"They just blabber on and on until they have nothing to say." Kirokugakari scoffed. "Which is NEVER. Those blabbering blabbermouths ALWAYS have more things to say." she went to her office and returned a couple moments later with her cup of pens and pencils and started throwing them at the clerks, by doing so shooing them all away.

It didn't seem to matter to the two males in the centre of the room as Osamu preformed what Atsushi would later learn is called 'beat-boxing' to the background of Ranpo saying "and now god throws pencils all up in the air, put your hands up in the air like you really don't care!"

"Oh my god, RANPO I WILL POKE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SPOON I SWEAR!!!!" Kirokugakari yelled furiously but he just threw his hat at her dismissively and continued rhyme-talking with Osamu, who responded with "oh no, you made God mad, better watch out before things get bad!"

"So... it's just... rhyming to the beat?" Atsushi walked over to Junko, seeing as Junnichiro has left him in favour of whistling and hollering at the two battling detectives along with Kenji and Akiko.
"Pretty much." Junko shrugged. She pulled out a few things from her bag and started looking through the files that were on her desk.
"I still don't understand who wins."
"Oh, who wins or loses doesn't matter, they do it for fun." Junko then pulled out a notebook from her bag, "but if you really want to know, senpai would probably win."

"Hold on, what-whaaaaat?" Osamu dropped the spoon he was holding as a microphone. Ranpo jumped up, pointed at Osamu with a loud "HA!" and then walked backwards as he folded his arms.
"My love," Osamu dropped to his knees with huge puppy eyes and looked straight at Junko, "why must you say that, to me, your beloved lover?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she looked back at Osamu with a calm smile and presented him with one of the pages in the notebook, "but statistically, senpai does win those more often than you. I'm just stating the facts. And the fact is, senpai almost always wins."
"You can't shit-talk me with such a sweet smile, Junko, it's very rude." Osamu closed his eyes and nodded thoughtfully, Junko eeped a small "I'm sorry!" and covered her mouth with both hands. Osamu couldn't resist and just had to jump over to her and wrap his arms around her shoulders. She shuddered and shut her eyes tight.
"That's what you get for not supporting me," he said and tightened his embrace, "and also for being so adorable." he rested his chin on her head and purred. Doppo raised his eyes from his laptop to say "let her go, Dazai", to which Osamu responded by sticking out his tongue towards him and rubbing his cheek against Junko's.

"Just because he USUALLY wins doesn't mean he'll win this time, though." Atsushi pointed out, pulling everyone's attention to him.
For like a second.
"No," then something amazing happened, Junko moved her hands from her mouth and opened her eyes. "Senpai would still win. Senpai is invincible, he would always win at the end."

Hold up, what?

"JUNKOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Osamu couldn't contain himself, he smothered Junko, his face practically glowing. "You moved your hands!!! My beautiful siren, you finally moved your hands and spoke!!!!" he got up and picked her up in the air with him as he continued to snuggle her, completely ignoring her terrified expression. Ranpo and Akiko jumped towards him to try and stop him but he just took a few steps back and away from them, Junko still in his arms.
"You can't take her away from me now that she's made such progress!!! You should praise her for this wonderful achievement!!!" he chirped and continued to twirl around happily.

Atsushi took note of the fact that Junko didn't actually resist. He wasn't sure if she was able to, but in his experience, which wasn't much, but was in fact enough, Osamu didn't tend to put her in a situation he thought she couldn't get herself out of. He thought about that for a second, then noticed Osamu had put Junko down and started gently stroking her hair and whispering "good girl, you did good" in her ear.

But Atsushi noticed that change before Kirokugakari did.

"Would you GET OFF HER you bloody incubus!!!!" Kirokugakari charged at Osamu and bit his leg. He shook his leg with a yelp in an attempt to get Kirokugakari off him.
"No, no, God, stop! I'll get rabies!!!" he cried.

"God doesn't have rabies." Ranpo said calmly.
"And if you got rabies I'll just give you the rabies shots." Akiko shrugged.
"Aw, you wouldn't let me die of rabies?" Osamu finally managed to separate Kirokugakari from his leg and held her up in the air by her leg, she snapped her teeth and tried to grab his hand but couldn't reach it, so she just waved her arms around and screamed like a crazed animal.
"Death from rabies is pretty painful. You don't even like pain." Naomi remarked, and her brother nodded in agreement.

"Guys, wait!" Atsushi's voice cut through the chaos.
Osamu dropped Kirokugakari, she landed on her face.
"Who won the thing?" Atsushi asked, trying to wrap his head around what just happened.

"What thing?" Everyone asked at the same time.
"The... thing... you were doing a thing, who won?"
"I'm giving this victory to senpai, since Osamu-san was the first to lose the beat." Junko smiled and added a point to Ranpo's side on the chart in her notebook. "That makes it, 21 for senpai, 3 for Osamu-san?"
"You hurt my feelings, precious hummingbird." Osamu mused, then pulled her in for another hug she didn't even try to avoid.
"I said off off off, get off her!!!" Kirokugakari got up from the floor and slammed her fists against Osamu's back, he turned around to look at her with a grin that sent chills down her spine.
"If you don't want me hugging Junko... I guess I'll just have to hug you!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Kirokugakari started running around the office as Osamu chased her, Ranpo fell to the floor laughing.

Atsushi was very confused by everything.