Bad Boy

Chapter 12: Smoke Before The Fire

Liam: " I'm sorry I wasn't here Y/N," he kissed my forehead. " I'm sorry".

____________________________________________________________

As we stood there, wrapped up in each other's arms, I gripped his shirt tighter, closing any space that was left between us. The night was quiet and the breeze was soft and as it made contact with the tears on my face, my skin stung. He then pried me off of his body, forcing me to look at him.

Liam: " Y/N...Hey, look at me." He cupped my face and wiped my tears away. "What in the world is going on?".

What is going on? That question rang through my head, along with all the other things I wanted to say to him, and things I should've said a long time ago. This was my fault. I've caused all of this pain. Yet I'm kind of... glad? Would Liam be here right now if he hadn't gotten worried, or if I hadn't missed his calls?

Liam: "Helloooo, Y/N, you're staring off into outer space again." He whispered, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "And you're shivering." I blinked quickly, staring at the empty street then back at him. I could see his breath as he exhaled. Shit. I'm freezing.

Y/N: " Oh god, you must be cold too. Do you want to come inside? I can make you some tea. Or hot cocoa? I make the best hot cocoa." I stated with the slightest hint of pride. We both managed to let out a quiet chuckle.

Liam: " Are you sure that that's okay? I don't want you to get in trouble with your parents..." he whispered, as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. I took his hand.

Y/N: " C'mon, we just gotta be quiet, okay?" He nodded as I guided him through the back door and into the kitchen. He sat down on one the bar stools and watched as I mixed the warm milk with cocoa and sugar. "Marshmallows?" I asked without looking back at him.

Liam: "Obviously" he smirked, getting up from his chair and stealing a marshmallow from the bag.

Y/N: " Hey! Don't touch tha-" Liam quickly covered my mouth and shushed me, reminding me of where I was. I handed him his cup, took my own, and we made our way up to my room. "Welcome to my woman cave". He gulped his drink down and walked across my room, lightly scanning my photos and trophies with his fingers; like Dallas had done no less than a month ago. I felt this wave of guilt rush over me.  The fact that it was Liam and not him made my stomach sink. The day he waltzed into my house with his charm and devilish smiles, and the way he pressed his body against mine, he made his choice. He'd shown me feelings that I never knew I had. But now I'm staring at the photo he had taken of us on my phone, then back at Liam, who was lounging on one of my bean bag chairs, looking out the window at the moon lighting the sky.

Y/N: " Liam?" I whispered. He turned his head in response. "Come lie with me". His eyes widened as he hesitated for a moment and then made his way to my bed, lying next to me then staring at the ceiling. I could tell that his body was tensed as he put a good six inches between our shoulders. I didn't give it much attention though. The silence in the room was deafening, as we both didn't really know what to say. I think he was kind of just enjoying the peaceful silence. When I glanced over at him, his eyes had fluttered closed. Eventually, I couldn't hold back my thoughts. "Hey Liam?"

Liam: "Hmm?" He mumbled, his eyes still closed.

Y/N: " ... what is it that you even like about me anyway? I don't get it. Don't you see how problematic I am? Why aren't you running in the absolute opposite direction?" His eyes opened suddenly and I  sat up slightly against my pillows. He lied quietly for a moment before propping himself up on his elbow. Finally, he spoke.

Liam: " Well that's a very loaded question" he raised his eyebrows and sighed. " Well besides the fact that you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met, you're funny, smart, and loving. You never manage to not make me smile, even when you aren't having the best day. You see the good in everyone. I guess I just admire that about you. I've been watching you for years and you're just great....... shit that sounded very stalker-ish. I'm promise I did NOT stalk you." He put his hand over his face and I couldn't help but laugh. Eventually, his embarrassed smile turned into a giggle as well. Without realizing, our laughing had closed the six inches that were between us.
       Our giggles faded out as we both realized how close our bodies were. I looked into his chocolate brown eyes that were now illuminated by the moonlight pouring through the window. 
        " y/n..."  was all he was able to whisper before I gently pressed our lips together. I laced my fingers into his slightly tousled hair as his hands gravitated down to my waist, pulling me closer to him. He kissed me with a sense of longing and hidden passion, as If he didn't want to let me go. But to my surprise, he gently pushed me away. Sadness and confusion flooded onto his face as he pulled back from me.

Y/N: " Whats wrong?" I asked quickly as he sat up and hung his feet off the side of my bed, his back turned.

Liam: "This isn't right Y/N.... you know it's not." He still wouldn't face me.

Y/N: " w-what? What did I do?" I slid closer to him and he stood up, finally turning to look at me.

Liam: " I know you're upset right now. With everything that is going on. I know that things are happening with you and Dallas. But you can't just use me because he's not around. I want to know I'm not just a distraction to you. I like you a whole lot Y/N but I'm not gonna do.." he waved his arm, "..this, and pretend that I'm perfectly okay with being a standby. I'm not trying to hurt you love, i just don't want to set myself up for failure" he sighed as he crossed his arms, awaiting a response

I was stunned. I didn't know what to say, or how to feel. It's as if I felt everything at once: sadness at the mentioning of Dallas, shame at the fact that I had let everything get so out of hand, and slight anger that Liam had rejected me. And I was ashamed because I knew he was right. I was off-balanced, like I couldn't quite find my footing, or catch my own racing thoughts. My heart pounded feverishly until I finally broke my silence. "... get out", I whispered. He quickly met my eyes. " I said get out, Liam" I said quietly, my voice raising slightly.

Liam: "..Y/N, I didn't mean to-", I cut him off.

Y/N: "Just leave me alone."

Liam: "Pleas-", I sprung off my bed and pushed his shoulders with enough force to shake his balance. My eyes stung as hot tears clouded my vision.

Y/N: "Get. The. Fuck. OUT" I spat viciously. His shocked face quickly twisted into a scowl as he snatched his jacket from the chair.

Liam: "Fine. You're on your own. Goodbye, Y/N" he said as he left my room, fuming. I flopped back down on my bed and let the tears fall from my eyes.

When did my life get so fucking dysfunctional?