Live in Poems

103

you are not in love with me.

no.

you are in love with the thought of loving me.
without even trying to make it through reality.
and as the fool i am—i fall into the trap you set unconsciously.
one look at you and i stretch out my palms, handing my heart so easily.
i question my sanity.
is it above my dignity or is it just sitting there all this time watching me?
watching me as i fall hard i feel it to the core.
and i've never been in this hole before.
it seems too deep i can't reach out to the door.
i might need your hand but you see me no more.
i was the sea and you were the shore.
my waves try to reach you turn into a folklore.
so i sit there, back on the wall, thinking, until my mind is sore.
with the result of nothing at all.

flaw.

flaw is in everything. small and big. white and black. short and tall.
every shape, every smell, every ring of your phone when i try to call.
flaw is in me.
flaw runs through my bloodstream like oxygen bound to haemoglobin.
in every inch of me and every part of myself could never leave it out hanging.
but i am more than ready to crash them away.
if you are ready to step out of the grey.
flaw is in every note of the lyrics that i never get the chance to tell.
now they are just some waste of papers and inks and thoughts but oh well.
i should just turn them into a novel.
with an ending that runs around like a carrousel.
it might lead me to get a heartbreak nobel.
but i wouldn't smile 'cause my heart's too pale.

and i am not blaming you.

i am just wondering why the universe refuses to give a blessing.
i talk to the stars after the sun is setting.
i talk to the sky when it comes to the morning.
i ask the distance that is separating.
that why in where we're standing.
a heartbeat away feels suffocating.
i ask the wind if maybe you still leave me something, or anything.
but all i get is nothing. and maybe that is a good thing.
maybe that's just a sign of how i need to stop looking.

because, i was ready on loving.
i was. i really was.

but you weren't.
you weren't at all.

and you ignore my fall.