Last Winter

04.

LAST AUTUMN
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❝And I rose in rainy autumn,
walking abroad in a shower of all my days...❞

October 25, 2036
Seattle, Washington

"Damn, I missed this. You the only girl I know who can tire a nigga out, you feel me?" Miles spoke, stretching his arms and legs out before he laid back in the bed. Joleicy glanced over her shoulder at him before she stared out the sliding glass door of her balcony, her lips parting but no words coming out. The two of them had just finished having sex, but Joleicy wasn't nearly as satisfied as he was.

Returning back to how things used to be hadn't been easy, but she knew she'd get through it. She had no other choice. Getting out of that situation with Robin was hard, and it didn't help that everyday she'd find herself thinking about him and wondering what he was doing, but it was better this way than to still be involved with another. It was safer this way.

"You need to go," she suddenly spoke, looking back at Miles with a blank face while he rose up and sputtered his confusion. Joleicy just ignored him while he continued to question her, all while she bent down and grabbed all his clothes before slinging them in his arms.

Miles stared at his clothes before he glared down at her, "It's shit like this that makes me wonder why I even deal with yo' ass. You do niggas any kinda' way and don't care. Selfish ass piece of work," Shaking his head, he turned on his heels and walked to the front door, "You a cold ass bitch," was all Miles said before he stepped out the apartment in only his briefs and socks, slamming the door behind himself and leaving Joleicy in a solemn trance. It was the same thing Robin had told her four months ago—the only difference was it hurt her when Robin said it, but Miles made her gradually accept the truth.

She was selfish. Four months ago, she would have never understood why being selfish was a problem. She took responsibility for getting her personal, emotional and physical needs met; something most people didn't even care to do. Joleicy wanted to take care of herself before she went and gave too much of her energy away trying to serve the needs of everyone else; she forgot for just a second that she shouldn't be involved with somebody if that was her plan, but that was the thing. They weren't involved; Joleicy and Robin weren't a couple—they just had sex, and somewhere along the way, it all went wrong.

She gripped the tie of her satin robe and prayed that the tears that wanted to fall stayed back. She missed him. She missed the corny ass jokes, the small looks of content he'd give her when she smiled or laughed; she even missed the glares and sneers, but even though she missed him, somewhere in the back of her mind, Joleicy knew she did the right thing.

It was the one "life-saving" thing she'd ever done for herself. Joleicy couldn't count on someone to take care of her and be that missing void in her life, because when they would leave, would that mean she couldn't go on with her life? She knew when the time would come, life would bring her someone who'd treasure her more than life itself, but even then, that special someone couldn't be there to pick up the messes 100% of the time. She needed to be able to take care of herself then, and she needed to take care of herself now, even if that meant not being able to care and be in a relationship with someone else.

"I did the right thing," she mumbled, going back into her room and changing the sheets off her bed, "I did the smart thing," Joleicy corrected herself, stopping for just a second to soak in the revelation before she went back to her task, the thoughts of that fourth of July weekend with Robin coming back to her.

Robin's family was unlike anything she'd ever encountered. These people were a rollercoaster ride. Every time Joleicy thought she grabbed the reins of what was going on, a random twist, or turn or hill came, and she'd be right back confused.