My diary.

9. Passcode: parrot

Dearest Avy,

Passcode: parrot.

Hello there friend. I have missed you. I would have written sooner but nothing much has been happening. It is all settled into a monotonous routine.

Get up. Have breakfast. Help in the house. Have lunch. Rest. Go to fellowship. Or watch TV. Sleep. Repeat.

Since the last episode its been peaceful. Falsely so. Am not in peace. And neither are a couple of people too. The difference. They would never admit it. But I have.

On some days I feel like I've gone back to how I was before. I still spend days mostly lonely. Just like before. I feel sad on most days too. Just like then.

Yet, it is different. Then I was lonely because I was alone. Now. Am lonely because am different. Then I was sad for me. Now am sad for everyone but me.

I signed up for an online Bible study group. I even find myself reading my hard copy once in a while.

And I talk to God all the time.

Yes, I know it's crazy but I do. I have this long monologues with God. And although it is only me talking, it is reassuring. Then I read the Bible and feel slightly better. And I pray. And am comforted.

Suppers with my dad are not bad anymore. We don't pretend to ignore each other. We talk. Actually talk. And we smile. Real smiles. And we laugh. Beautiful lively laughter.

Today we had guests for supper. A church elder and his wife. (I feel weird referring to it as church. From not I'll just call it Doom. Because it is no more of a Godly place than a sinner's den.)

Supper was great. At least the food was. The conversations not so much. Mostly because I forced myself to recite beliefs I did not agree with. And the couple insisted on quoting from their Apostle Fredrick's teachings. For the better part I had to wrestle my facial muscle to form a passable smile. Needless to say, I have a headache for it.

And then they said something unexpected. I am being appointed assistant chairperson in charge of the youth in Doom. Oh and it was decided. Without my consent. I have no choice in the matter.

And I squealed. In faked delight. And widened my smile. And looked as full of nervous joy as I could. And I promised to do a great job at it.

I have an idea of what is happening. And it is not good. Not one bit. They're trying to trap me. Make me close to their core. So that I will have no desire to leave.

I will play along. I will be the perfect member of Doom. And I will get to its heart. Without becoming part of it of course. I will find out its secrets. And weaknesses. And I will use them. To my advantage.

Am going to tear that heart out. Even if it is the last thing I do. Which I hope it isn't.

Next passcode:

Weaverbird.

With love,
Mill.