My diary.

16. Isaiah 41:10

Dear diary,

Avy, I was terrified. Really terrified like I have never been before.

I found out the most scary thing today. It was in the morning I was just wheeling myself into the kitchen. My dad had only completed setting the table and was holding something to my cup.

It was a small vial and he was pouring drops of a clear liquid into my cup.

"Dad what is that?" I asked. I knew I should have been more bothered but still I didn't expect the answer I got.

"It is something for your excitement. We can't exactly have you running around laughing all the time," he replied.

I laughed. That was the most stupid thing I'd ever heard(forgive my saying so). Until I saw he wasn't laughing with me. He apparently wasn't joking.

"Dad? You're actually serious about this?" I could barely recognise my own voice. It had the slightest tremor in it and I knew I needed to get a grip, fast.

"Millie you know the elders can't have people forgetting where they get their comfort from. You have to know despair in order to appreciate salvation Mill. Now come over lets have breakfast, shall we?"

I moved to my spot across father at the kitchen table we dine at. I sipped my tea slowly a sense of foreboding gripping me. My father's word still rung in my head and I didn't want to think of them. It was like being in one of those nightmares I used to have. Wait a minute. What if those nightmares didn't just happen? What if... No wait, maybe am overreacting.

You would be overreacting if you knew what I know.

The last three years have been an unending cycle of despair and terror. I thought it was depression but apparently my father had to do with it. Under instruction from the elders to drug me.

I have been in my room all day. I tried not to give in to the drugs whatever they are but the familiar feeling of sadness came creeping back. I wanted to cry. To see if it would go away but I know better.

Avy, do you believe in divine intervention?

I may have lost some of my faith in God over the years but today something happened.

I was sitting in my bed feeling sorry for myself. My phone pinged beside me. I picked it up and this time I cried for sure.

On the screen were the most beautiful words I have ever seen.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

It was a message from God Himself. It was sent from my online Bible group. I haven't been in contact with them for weeks but they knew. They knew. Or maybe they didn't. All I know is am going to be stronger than before.

I am not fighting a losing battle anymore. It may feel like the odds are against me, but God is with me.

Yours truly,
Mill.