you sit there at the church with your children, sobbing your eyes out over his death. you couldn't wrap your head around him being gone. he couldn't be. your head was cloudy and you were emotionless as the love of you life is gone.
"y/n, it's your time to speak." the priest says to the crowd. you slowly stand up and walk to the podium, looking down at your feet. once you reach the podium, you lift your sad eyes up to see everyone he loved in the one room. you take a deep breath in before speaking.
"ashton, you were the love of my life, my rock and my world. you were the best thing that had ever happened to me and i've never loved someone as much as i love you. i can't believe your gone and i feel so guilty about it. i asked you to go get something for dinner that i forgot to buy. if i had just remembered you would still be here. i see and hear you everywhere. i hear you talking to me around the house and complementing me like you always did. i see you in my dreams but most of all, i see you in our children. i never noticed how alike you three were. mallory has you eyes, laughs and your wisdom and james has your sense of humour and nose. i miss you so much and it's only been two weeks. the night you left us, i was going to tell you that you were going to be a father again. i planned everything to the perfect detail but i never in my wildest dreams thought this would happen. i'm so sad that you'll never meet your third child and i can't imagine what you'd be feeling. i love you more than words can say ash. thankyou for being the best husband and father to the most amazing children in the entire world. i'll miss you forever baby." you say, tears rapidly falling from your eyes as you turn around and walk towards his open coffin, placing the yellow rose on his body and leaning forward the kiss his forehead one last time. you walk back to your sobbing children, grabbing them and pulling them into you for a hug.
after the funeral, you see the boys walking up to you slowly. you turn to your children.
"hey kiddos how about you go talk to aunty lauren, uncle harry and nanna. see how they are." you tell them and they scurry off as the boys get to you.
"how are you y/n?" michael asks you.
"huh, how am i. well i'm amazing considering my husband of 10 years just died." you say starting to break down in tears. luke pulls you into a tight embrace before they all join, trying to calm you down. the tears wouldn't stop spilling out of your eyes as they hugged you.
you all talked for about 10 minutes before michael and luke went to crystal and sierra whilst calum stayed behind. you knew that he was the most effected of ashtons death out of the 3 boys. you both walk to the car with your kids and sit down in the passenger seat, your kids in the backseat and calum in the drivers. you both sit there in silence before you speak up.
"calum, i'm sorry. it's all my fault he's gone. if i could i would go back in time to make sure this never happened. i-" you get cut off by calum hugging you.
"y/n, it's not your fault. it was that drunk truck drivers fault. he's the person that's responsible for this as he shouldn't have been drink driving. stop blaming yourself, okay." he says to you and you just nod in response.
"also congratulations for the baby and all." he adds on which makes you cry more.
"thanks cal." you tell him and he softly smiles at you.
"if you want, i can help with your pregnancy and all, go through it all. i don't mind, it's the least i can do." he says to you and you look into his eyes.
"that'd be amazing cal, thankyou." you tell him, pulling into a hug and letting your tears fall down his back as you feel his running down yours.
"i should get that tattoo portrait of ashton on my back like he joked about in that tattoo interview." he giggled into your shoulder. you smiled as his statement as he drives off to your house.
