letters | h. renjun; wang yiren ✓

「 SIX 」

dear renjun,

today i avoided you all day, and i hope one day you will receive these unsent letters and find out the real reason; that i didn't want my feelings for you to grow anymore.

i even heard from other students that you were looking for me, but i was hiding in the library with chenle, reading books about technology with him. honestly, i initially thought chenle was a boring nerd, but it turns out it was the opposite.

he was actually rather cute and weird, with those high pitched dolphin laughs. i actually felt guilty about rejecting him.

but anyways, i was a coward and couldn't dare to face you.

im sorry, really, i am.

even in class, you kept shooting me looks but i avoided your gaze. but i was secretly wishing that you were worried about me. after school that day, you grabbed my wrist and demanded me to tell you everything.

i was filled with guilt for ignoring you, but there was no way i was going to spill the truth. you would most probably reject me on the spot with a bunch of ready-to-insult-me people watching us.

instead,

i slapped you.

don't ask me why, it was just on impulse, so you would stay away from me.

i heard the sound of me slapping your pale cheek loud and clear ringing in my eyes, and tears welled up in my eyes.

i was guilty, renjun, really.

im really sorry, even though i know a hundred sorries wouldn't make up for the hurt i caused you.

i saw you clutch your red cheek in pain, and people around us starting to mutter.

"yiren-ah. . ."

"im sorry renjun oppa, but i don't want to be friends with you anymore. i would appreciate it if you left me alone."

then someone shouted at me, calling me a bunch of names for slapping you, but do you know what hurt me worse?

instead of saying nothing and leaving, you actually spoke up for me, even after what i did to you. i actually wished you would scold me, scream at me, anything to make me feel better.

by doing that, you just made me feel worse.

then you smiled back at me sadly, and told everything was okay, saying you understood everything that was happening.

no, you didn't. not at all.

it felt as if my heart broke into a million pieces, seeing hurt and worry flash across your eyes and your limp, pained smile.

after all, you were still worried about me?

you were such a kind soul, i don't even deserve a friend like you.

then you walked away, leaving me standing behind, filled with remorse.

im sorry.

from,
yiren.

— ♥—

ps the gif in the media made me soft uwu