"I Just Thought"

20

O P E N  W O U N D

  It was a sunny day, But the wind is freaking breezy. The touch of coldness wrapping me, Like telling me how lonely I was, for a very long time. Sitting by the window, I wonder how many leaves have fallen as time passes by. Staring on the blank vastness of the land, feeling the emptiness that is making me so damn. I grabbed my phone and pretend to have been talking to someone. When the hell truth is I was scrolling down the usual social networking sites, and wonder if there was this somebody who's brave enough to approach me. I've been so hopeful, not by days but by years. This black hole I've been feeling for so long felt surreal. I was flying without wings every day. I was used to in failing and falling down to my knees and to the ground. So I would've wished to pour damn heavy rain, to cover what I am feeling, deep down my mind and strike through my heart. This world was hard for me. I've been wounded for so long, it was open all the time and they keep on putting salt. It felt like never-ending bleeding from that wound. It was open, but nobody showed care, nobody lends a hand to somehow know the pain I've been feeling. I was drunk-thinking when will I ever be healed, will healing come? I do believe in prayers, and yes, I've been praying so hard. So hard, that sometimes I've been doubting myself and my existence. I guess the hurting I've felt consumed me, to the point that I've been into that moment that I would hold a knife or even a scissors. I was bleeding but I did stop. Maybe that prayers I've been praying was to protect me from dying, but never for healing. I am so breathless thinking about a lot of hopes and dreams, yet it subsides when pain comes over knocking my body. Slamming the door so hard that it never bothered if it is welcome or not. But I do, I do feel that pain was my best friend all the time. The pain was there all along, walking with me. I'm still open wounded and waiting for healing.