(Warning) blood and self harm
Dans POV
I lay in the bed that night, thinking about random stuff. I couldn't sleep. For some reasons, when I thought about random stuff, I always come back to the "your worthless" "Kill yourself". "Nobody would care" "Nobody does care anyway".
I started to have a panic attack. Phil was the only thing I have. And now it can be so easy to ruin this now, since I was living with the guy. I ended up walking groggily to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror. Again hearing those thoughts. I looked into my surprising quite large bathroom bag I had packed with me. I looked into it, I found a razor, I didn't know why I packed it, because god knows I'll never shave. I still picked it up though. Admiring the blades. How easily I could just go. Die. Leave. I decided to try it, just one cut. Only one. I held my hand over the sink. Slowly dragging the sharp blade over the top of my hand
. Watching, as the red blood ran across my hand. It was beautiful, in a way. Soon, it stopped bleeding. I didn't want it to though. I wanted to watch it more. How it seeps through the cut, ever so slowly. I did it again, completely ignoring my rule. Soon, doing it twice became a every night thing. I always made sure Phil was asleep. I had memorized those cute snores. I hated myself. And this is how I could punish myself. I liked it. I also hated it though. Knowing now I could only wear long sleeve to hide the proof. The proof that I was even trying to hide from myself in a way. Little did I know, the next day brought hell from these little proof marks.
12 pm
Phil's POV (finally)
I had gotten up a bit late today. I went to Dans room to see if he was there. And there he was, sound asleep. I decided to get some cereal to help myself wait for Dan to get up. After I ate, Dan was still asleep. I let him be and turned on some Anime. Two episodes of SAO later and Dan still didn't get out of his room. I went to Dans room to wake him up.
"Dan."
"Daaaan"
"Dan, seriously, it's 1:30." I poked him. He still didn't wake. Now I'm starting to worry. I shook him. Nothing. I shook him harder. Nothing. He wasn't responding to anything but he was still breathing. I called 911.
"911 what is your emergency?"
"U-um my roommate isn't waking up. He's breathing but I've tried everything."
"Okay, address please?" I told her my information and she responded with,
"Okay sir, a ambulance is on its way" I hung up the phone and tried again to get dan up. Again nothing. What the hell happened.
"Knock knock" I open the door, people marched in, going into dans room. I, being the baby I am, started to tear up. "Was he going to be okay?" " Does he have a diseases he didn't tell me about?"
They got Dan out and put him in the ambulance. I eminently got into my ugly car and sped to the hospital to meet Dan. Of course I got there about 20 minutes late because of London traffic. As soon as I got to the hospital. I ran to Dans room, where he had already had a check up.
"Phil Lester? You are here for Dan yes?"
"Yes is he alright?"
"Sit down Philip," I sat in the chair closest to Dans bed, where he was still asleep. "Did you ever notice Dan cutting?" My mouth dropped open. Tell me he didn't.
"N-no mam. Is that the case?"
"Yes, Dan lost so much blood, take a look at his arms." I didn't. I didn't want to see what he did to himself. The doctor sighed. "We are getting him some blood right now. He should be out of here before night fall. Do you want to stay w-"
"Yes I will stay with him" She left the room. I went over to face dan.
"Dan are you serious?!"
"How could you do this!?"
"I thought you stopped this?!"
"Why did you do this?"
I stopped asking questions. I couldn't handle it. I sat on the bed where dan was asleep on. I layed my head down by his. I did nothing but look at him. Look at him and think of all the things Dan Howell is amazing for. I thought of at least 30 things before I drifted off to sleep next to him.
