Living with Endometriosis

Isn't that normal?

"Endometriosis" he repeated
I had never heard that word before in my life and i was 29 years old. I had been in pain for more then 15 years and i had no idea of what i had

The doctor started asking me some questions
" you have heavy flow, right?"
"Yes"
" your periods are extremely painful"
"Yes"
"You feel like you are being ripped apart during your period or like your insides are on fire"
"Yes" while i was answering his questions, i wanted to cry, but i held everything back (I hate showing people that weak side of me. I always have to show that strong face). I was tired of going through all of that. But then, new questions emerged, questions no one ever asked, things I thought were normal.
"You feel pain during ovulation "
"Yes"
"You have pain when you urinate"
"Yes but not often"
" you have pain during bowel movement" i looked at him for few seconds
"Isn't that normal? Aren't those things normal?!"
The doctor looks at me and says "no"
I just look back at him
"You have pain during and after sex"
"I thought that was normal" it was more like a whisper.

It wasn't. All this time I endured so much because I thought it was normal. Of course i new something was off with my periods, but there was so many things I thought everyone else felt too. I was so wrong.

Then came the reality check. The awareness. The fact that there is no cure. You will have to live with it forever.  Possibility of infertility, pain pain and more pain.

That is what i got from that session. Physical, mental pain. That's what endo is; pain. As simple as that.

The fact that you know about the disease, doesn't take the pain away but at least now you know you are not crazy.

For a few days i was so emotional, and i asked and asked why, why, why, why? No one answered, no one got it.

I felt more alone than i ever felt before. Because everyone I tried to explain would look at me like i am crazy. Would suggest some friend had something similar and was fine now. Others would look at me and say "that sucks". Others would say "is that like a cyst? No worries you can operate that easily".

I gave up trying to explain because people just didn't understand. I don't blame them, it took me years to finally figure out what it was and finally get that lots of the things I thought were normal actually weren't.

I became so much aware of the things and everything was clear; the pain during sex, during bowel movements, everything. I told myself I could take it all, but the idea of not having kids, that I wasn't ready to take.