Alone

8~We Begin Again~8

Calum took me to Joys room to find the video camera that we could use to record the cover.

"Calum, where did you say it was?" I asked looking under the bed. I had spotted a box, and pulled it out. The top of it read Winny, in large black letters.

I opened the box to see achievements I have made, and a few baby pictures of me with my mother. I let out a sharp gasp, and started to choke. Calum rushed over to me, helping me breath properly.

"Winn, what is it?" He looked in the box and took out a piece of paper. He slammed the lid back on it and shoved it under the bed.

"Winny, calm down. It's gone now," I kept shaking my head and crying. I didn't want to show Calum how week I was, but that's just what I did, I showed him my one weakness.

I glanced at Calum through my fingers as his eyes scanned over the paper.

"What is that Cal?" I shook.

"It's from your mom, but I don't think you should read it Winn, it won't help your situation," he shook his head. I was about to scream at him.

"Calum, you know how bad I want to know about my mother. I at least need to know how she died!" I shouted.

"Well I guess this will tell you," he sighed handing me the paper.

Dear Winny Pooh,

I don't know at what age you will get this letter, you may be two, twenty or eighty. Who knows. But I just want you to know that I cared about you very much Winny Pooh, I loved you very much. You are reading this right now, knowing that I'm dead, but not knowing what happened, so I'm telling you.

Winny Pooh, this is a suicide note, and never in my wildest thought would I address my suicide note to my sweet little baby. There is so much that I can't handle right now, and most times, I think I will never get through it. I don't want to live my life thinking I can't get through it, and baby I tried to hold on for you, I really did. But I realized that it's really sad that my newborn baby may grow up with a depressed, suicidal mother. I'm sorry Winny Pooh.

I'm sure that you hear about adults being depressed, but you need to know that I'm only eighteen. I got pregnant at a young age, along with being depressed.

I'm very sorry that I gave up Winny Pooh, but you can make it, I promise. You have Joy, Cal, and your father. Anyways, I love you and I'm sorry.

Love,

Mommy

I dropped the paper and cried. I never even realized Calum had left, or that someone replaced him. It had been Luke.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, letting me cry into his chest.

I'm not sure how long I cried for, but, eventually I had became numb and I'm sure that it seemed like I was asleep to Luke. I wasn't though.

I know that Luke picked me up bridal style, I know that Luke carried me to my room, I know that Luke tucked me into my bed, and I know that Luke put the letter in the drawer of my bedside table.

The last thing I remember was Luke kissing my forehead and whispering into my ear, that everything would be okay. Then I drifted off to sleep.

•••

I woke up the next morning to Luke asleep in my computer chair. I smiled at his cute little lip ring, and the way his hair flopped over his eyes.

"Luke," I whispered. His head popped up as he asked 'what' several times, while wiping drool from his face. I giggled at him, then maintained a serious face.

"Thank you," I whispered. He smiled at me wearily, walking over to my bed and sitting on the edge of it. He smoothed my hair out of my face, and smiled.

"I'm glad I was there," he smiled sweetly, and the next thing I know his lips were on mine. I didn't push away, and I didn't kiss back. I just let it happen.

It was one of those sweet little kisses, that I wanted more of, so I decided to kiss back. I sat up from my bed as our lips moved in sync and we moved closer to each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, using his body force to lay me down. I finally gave in, and he straddled me using one hand to hold himself up and the other to hold my cheek.

His tongue swiped across my bottom lip, begging for entrance, so I just let him in. It was a little more passionate for two people who just met, than I had expected.

"Luke," I gasped for air.

"Hmm," he responded moving to my neck, and leaving gentle little kisses down my neck and to my shoulder.

"I don't think," I breathed, almost moaning, "two people who just met, start out like this," I said breathing kinda hard. He picked his head up and smirked.

"Well how do you want to start out?" He chuckled. I was beginning to miss his little kisses, so I shrugged.

"Okay maybe we could be make-out besties," I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him again. He pulled away, and pressed his forehead against mine, our noses barely touching.

"What if I want to be more than that?" He smirked.

"Then we start talking a lot, and make-out, a lot," I giggled, kissing him again. This whole time, I just really wanted to kiss someone, just not Michael. It took him one day to hurt me, and I was scared Luke might do the same. Scarring myself, I let go of his neck and fell back down to my pillow.

"Thanks Luke, I'll text you later and we can meet up for coffee or something," I said smiling up at him.

"I would like that," he smiled, planting one more sweet kids on my lips and walking out the door.

His kiss lingered there until I got up and put some Chapstick on. I felt bad about having his kisses on my lips, after what Michael had done.

I laid back down and squeezed my eyes shut.

After that I couldn't help but think, "You little slut, why do you let people in so easily?" I got up and went to my desk, and picked up a pencil sharpener.

I smashed it until I was able to undo the screw and get the blade out.

I slid the blade into my pocket, walked into my bathroom, locked the door, and fell to the floor.

"And we begin again," was my last thought before I made one cut, two, three and the numbers don't seem to end until fifteen.

I dropped the blade, and it made a little tinkly noise as it hit the ground. I sat against the wall, with my elbows on my knees and my hands cradling my face.

I cried and cried until I felt all of the tears were out of my system, then I reclaimed my composure, stood up and started the bathtub.

A/N

OH DAMN! THAT JUST HAPPENED!

So I know this chapter is short, but it's just meant to show what Winny is really like.

She has cut herself before, and she is really hard in herself.

She moved to Australia to be a better version of herself, but she starting where she left off.

So I hope you like it!