I remember that night clearer than ever
The night I realized
I snapped
I knew then
I was in love with you
1 am
On that abandoned bridge
In the dark
In the rain
I was sitting there shivering
I was cold but
You were leaning into me
Your heart, on mine
Beating
I can still hear our favorite album
Slowly playing in the background
Someone, somewhere
The tune I loved years ago
Still ringing in my ears
And with every lyric
It all echoes your name
No speaker
Just a phone
With mosquito bites crawling up my legs
My face wasn't even inches away from yours
We were smiling ear to ear
Singing and laughing with each other
With stupid kisses in between
My hands cupping your face
I was wearing your hoodie
I remember it felt like chains holding me down
And you wore a "drug rug"
You smelt like bad decisions
And face paced mentality
Hoods up
Your hands wrapped around my waist
Tight
Oh lord in that moment
I didn't want you to let go
I remember tasting the nicotine on your lips
At that time I thought to myself
Fuck everything else
This is my moment
A promise
A pinky promise
That you'd never leave me
"Maybe just maybe
You'll be the one to save me "
Months later
You leave, you lied
When the moonlight hit my skin
You didn't fucking blink
You saw her
All of her
Not my voice
Hers
Not in love with me but her
Her
The girl I knew
The girl who didn't want to be thrown in this
You put me in a spotlight
As a train of thought about her
So now I cannot trust
That fateful night nothing else even mattered
You made me feel alive
My cold, dead heart raced
Butterflies
Make me want to vomit
All of these knots
In my stomach
And now I wonder
Did you even feel the same?
Or was that a lie too?
Fuck, I'd pay to feel that again
Sober except for your breath on my neck
My emotions getting the worst of me
Where did all this time go?
I don't know how to run away from my head
I see your smile on every guy I know
What happened to the boy I fell for?
Maybe he disappeared without a cause
Do you remember that letter I wrote you?
You didn't like that, did you?
"Baby, could you wait here?"
You promised me you'd be right back
Maybe in a different world
This could have worked
I know you won't wait for me
Listen to me but
You probably never heard me at all right?
You're young
So lost and alone, immature boy
It's pathetic
You could've just told me the truth
Oh you didn't want to hurt me?
Ain't that a fib
Left me to bleed out when I needed you the most
I felt as if you're soul attached to mine
Maybe it was all a dream
Yet I wish
I could fucking wake up
