I felt I had no energy to get out of bed but there was no choice. Luckily today was a calm day because I was in no mood to deal with difficult guest. The gig in the morning was slow songs, again, my mood wasn't a happy one but thankfully nobody noticed. My head was filled with thoughts about the conversation with Amber yesterday, which got me distracted all morning. She tried to help me around but gave up in 20 minutes and went to explore the hotel. Later, I was trying to do some paperwork when I saw a figure approached through the corner of my eye.
"Hello Ruby, are you alright?"
"Hi Sam, yes I'm fine. Why?" I said. Sam being my daughter's widow has really gotten me strangely close to him. He was the love of Donna's life just like Fernando is mine and seeing as we had sort of a similar story, we understand each other. Weird huh
"Some guest noticed you have been a bit low this morning. I don't want to worry Sophie or let her see you like this so I'm just checking on you" He said
"You're too kind Sam but really its fine" I insisted "Could you cover for me at lunch today please? I'm going on my break by then. It will only be an hour as always, promise"
"Sure" Thank God. Sam is the only who knows I go out for "lunch", someone should always know in case something happens, but doesn't know where.
It was time for my lunch break so I sneaked through the lobby and the driver who always takes me was already waiting for me.
Walking through the plaza, looking around the different stores and food markets I started to think about my comeback to showbiz in Vegas. Imagining dressing up again in all the glitter material, the beautiful makeup they'd put me in and walking doing the corridors to the huge stage. Dancing on stage alongside everyone while I sang was an amazing unforgettable feeling. Pretending to listen to the crowd cheering before my entrance put me in a trance. I definitely missed doing that in different parts of the world. The smiled I put on people's faces when coming out. Boy I miss that. Next I was walking to my usual spot in the corner of the market where I could see everybody but little people could see me.
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Deep in my thoughts I started to hum a song when moments later I got startled by a tiny hand grabbing my arm
"Sorry" said the 7 year old girl next to me
"It's ok Mila" I smiled. Mila was a little girl who came to me the first couple of days I started my walks in the plaza which was two weeks after I came back. Very few children lived on the island. This girl was fascinated by my singing was so sweet I started teaching her. She was homeschooled and the spot I seated on was under her house window so her mother let her come down like if she were on recess. Mila reminded me very much of Donna when she was this age, so innocent and very talented. That very thing is why I keep these walks a secret. Mila brought the motherly side of me I'm embarrassed to show in front of my family. Not because I'm scared of what they would think but because I'm ashamed of the fact could never be there as a grandmother for Sophie when she was this age. It terrifies that they find out this reason.
"I'm sorry for not coming yesterday, ready?" I said to Mila and she started to sing
I've never felt this strong I'm invincible, how could this go wrong? No, here, here's where we belong I see a road ahead I never thought I would dare to tread
Like an image passing by My love, my life In the mirror of your eyes My love, my life I can see it all so clearly All I love so dearly Images passing by Like reflections of your mind My love, my life Are the words I try to find My love, my life But I know I don't possess you With all my heart, God bless you You will be my love and my life You're my one and only
I see her struggle a bit so start singing along with her.
I held you close to me felt your heart beat And I thought: I am free Oh yes, and as one are we in the now and beyond nothing and no one can break this bond
My heart starts swelling with pride when we sing together. I begin to remember when I returned for the first time on the reopening of the hotel. Seeing Sophie sing really overwhelmed me. That is when my decision was made on staying to make up for the first mistake.
Like an image passing by My love, my life In the mirror of your eyes My love, my life I can see it all so clearly All I love so dearly Images passing by Like reflections of your mind My love, my life Are the words I try to find My love, my life But I know I don't possess you With all my heart, God bless you You are still my love and my life
Yes, I know I don't possess you With all my heart, God bless you You are still my love and my life You're my one and only
Mila reaches a high note on the end that made my eyes go wide open. She stopped; we looked at each other and started giggling. Suddenly a voice was heard from afar, uh oh I got caught.
"Grandma, I've been looking everywhere..." Sophie came to us and I looked at the girl
"Well you found me" sensing the awkwardness from Mila I told her with a smile "you did great today sweetie, much better than the first times but keep practicing ok? We'll pick it up again tomorrow. Same time as usual" the girl nodded and walked off
Soph sat down next to me curious "So this is where you come on your lunch break every day"
"Yes" I replied embarrassed
"Who was that?" She asked about the girl. How can I respond to that without sounding stupid?
"Someone I've grown very fond of" said proudly, there was an awkward silence.
"I talked to grandpa" Oh no, I'm in real trouble now "Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"
I sighed "Oh dear, I didn't want to worry you"
"Do you miss traveling and touring?" She asked
"To be honest I'm still thinking about what to do. I miss it but at the same time want to stay, we have been great in the past year you and me. I don't want to leave having the same regret as when your mother was little and I want to be part of Donny's life. Plus, I don't want to break Fernando's heart again, those things would destroy me." Sophie seemed surprise to hear me speak like that. Truthfully I had never been so open hearted with anyone but Fernando before. Even less with Sophie, or Donna for that matter. I was always so tough, I had to be so I could be able to carry on with my life.
"Look, you have really shown a lot of change over the past year and a half. You have been doing a wonderful job as a wife, a grandmother and a great grandmother" Sophie said
"I don't want to disappoint you or the family... again" I put my head down
"Grandma you have never disappointed me or the family" I was relieved to hear that "You left the life you were use to just to be with us. Even mom would be proud of you for that sacrifice" That made me smile "Can't blame you for wanting to go back; after all, that life is almost everything you have ever known. Whatever you decide, will be respected and supported by everyone you love and who love you"
I truly had the best granddaughter ever, she has a really big heart just like her mother and that made me so proud. Being here has made me see that and see life in a different way as well.
My family wants me to be happy but I want to make them happy too. What shall I do?
Hi Again!!! I know this one is short but I have a little of writers block since I've been feeling sick these days. I still don't feel too well but didn't want to keep you waiting so long. Hope you like the chapter, leave a comment and let me know what you think please. Xx
