The Pursuit of Felicity

{ Chapter 14 }

can i get some mf uhhhhh comments on this chapter? thanks. if you finish reading this and haven't started my other book, Poison, you should do that. if you're up to date with Poison and are waiting on updates for both of these stories, then read one of my older books. or my newly finished book, As a Friend. if you've read everything i've written, i love u so much. enjoy this chapter :) even though you probably won't :) HAH GOTTA BLAST

"You can't just call things off," Nola tells me as I pace around my room. I run my hands through my hair once more as I stop and look at myself in the mirror. What have I become? This is my third time calling my sister this week just to talk about Cam. My friends won't hear it anymore. The second I brought up the words 'distance' and 'Cam' in a sentence, they shut me down and told me that they'll have no part in helping me ghost him.

"I'm not calling things off," I tell her with a flustered sigh. "I just...need to get my shit together."

"That's literally the excuse assholes give," my sister responds. "What you need to do is sit down with him and tell him how you feel and see where things can go from there."

"I know, Nola, but I can't," I say with a groan. I sit on the edge of my bed and put my hand on my face. "I literally can't."

"You're scared of commitment so you're retracting, which is the opposite of what you're supposed to do," my sister analyzes me. "I told you what I think."

"I can't just tell him, Nol," I exhale as I stand up again and start my usual circling of my room. I give a quick glance at the time and sigh. I'm supposed to be heading over there in ten minutes.

"You're going to regret calling things off with him," my sister chides.

"I already know how it'll play out if I don't call things off," I tell Nola. "Things may be fine now with us flirting and hanging out but eventually, he'll want to get more serious about his feelings and expect me to do the same, but I won't. And I imagine that if I'm as scared as I am now, that I'll be absolutely terrified and just ghost him completely at that point, like the piece of shit that I am."

"Are you sure you're not just scared that you're going to get your heart broken?" my sister questions me. "All you have to do is tell him that you want to take things slow and see how your feelings develop."

"But wouldn't I know if I wanted a relationship with him? I like him so shouldn't I want to be his girlfriend?" I retort with yet another frustrated sigh. "I thought that when you like someone, you want to be with them."

"That's not always the case, Fee. Sometimes, you like someone but you're so used to being independent that the idea of being with them is difficult to wrap your head around. You've been alone for so long and you've thrived that way that the idea of being with him is scaring you," my sister explains. "But he's a good guy and I think he'll understand if you just tell him that you need some time."

"He is a good guy and that's the exact reason why I don't want to hurt him," I conclude and my sister lets out a loud groan.

"I don't even know why I try with you. Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. You're so stubborn, Felicity, you know that, right? I swear, you better hope he's nice enough to take your ass back when you go crawling back to him in a week because you miss him," my sister all but yells at me.

I let out a sigh as I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose. "Nola, I see where you're coming from, I do, but I know what I have to do," I tell my sister, who lets out a disappointed sigh. "Anyway, I'll call you some other time. I have to go over there now."