Don't Hold Me Back (Langst)

Chapter 11

A/N     *TRIGGER WARNING, SELF HARM IN THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER* Should I delete all the parts that are unrelated to the story? idk, you peeps decide. Remember, this story was started for fun. I did not expect it to get so many veiws, the point is i am so sorry when I don't update. Check out what I drew! It's Dan! It is kinda a bad drawing, but whatever.

Lance POV

I watch in shock as he is dragged off. I feel tears start running down my face. I feel embarrassed, for one I told them that I didn't care about any of them anymore, for two I haven't cried in front of anyone for a while besides Lotor.

"Lance, I am so sorry. I love you and I almost gave them Shiro for you I was being stupid. Do not let Voltron try to find me. I don't deserve to be found. I am asking you this as my dieing wish. I am asking you because I know you will do it. I love you." I hear him say over the comms before they are cutt out. I can't believe what he is saying. Why would he say that?

"The decision is up to you, Lance. What do you wish to do?" Lotor asks me as I turn to him, tears running faster down my face as I hear Voltron screaming their last team mebers name in attempt to get him to answer them. I sit there frozen, straing up into my lovers eyes. He steps forward to softly wipe the tears from my face. 

"We need to find him, for Voltrons sake. I he we can't find him, he will pilot the red lion. When we find him, we have him on 24 hour watch just in case." I say as I put on a stealy look, wiping away my tears, hiding away my emotions. Lotor looks at me but looks at the line between Voltron and us and asked them if they agreed. Once we had their confirmation he tells them to get some rest and he turns to me and grabs my hand.

"Lance, are you alright?" he asks me as he puts his forhead on mine, I lean into the touch enjoying the warm feeling.

"Yeah, I think I am. This is a war, I should get used to this feeling of betrayal and loss, shouldn't I?" I whisper as pull back and look into his eyes. 

"Just don't forget that it is okay to cry and talk to me, we can't have your emotions tearing up your beautiful personality and mind, can we?" He says as he lightly kisses my forhead.

"I know, it is just so hard to focus on myself when there are so many other people and things occupying my mind." I say before I kiss the bridge of his nose. I feel his nose scrunch up a bit as he giggles, bringing a small smile to my face. 

"I know, if you want to look at it that way, fine. If you are not at your best, how are you supposed to win a war. If you can't find it in yourself to help yourself, how can you help others. Focuse on what is important. I love you." He says before he walks away towards our room. I watch him walk away, thinking about what he has just said to me.

I start walking towards the nearest small fighter ship bay. I plan on practicing my skills while I try to figure things out for myself. I watch as I fly around, practicing small flips and intricate manuvers. 

I remember how it would make my heart jump with joy when Keith would smile at me. I remember how one touch made me feel thousands of different emotions. That doesn't matter anymore, I am with Lotor, and he is gone. I feel little lumps of wettness drip down my face as I continue to go through the drills, putting more force behind each attack. I hear screams as I start cursing the universe for how cruel it is to the people I care about as well as myself.

I don't deserve Lotor, I don't deserve anyone. No one could love me like this. It's just not possible. I stop the small ship as I pull out a switch blade. I stare at it for the longest time. I watch my hand move as the blade dances across my skin. I feel small stings as one cut after another appears on my arms. 

I stare at the work I have done, horrified of myself. Why is it that no matter what I do, I am not enough for even myself. Why can't I just except myself? Why do I keep running back to this? I watch the tiny droplets of thick blood pitter patter onto the floor. The red making a large contrast of colour against the black floor.

As I feel myself return to reality, I quickly clean up my mess. As I walk down the halls of the ship, I feel the uncomfortable rubbing of the bandage on my arm underneath my suit sleeve. I glance up to see that I somehow wondered into the Galran Special Training Deck and grabbed a lazer gun. I fire at the targets, never missing a single one. I let myself get absorbed into the training, letting everything else fade into the back of my mind.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, a almost immediate reaction was to uppercut the offender with the end of my gun. I realize that I had accidentally hit the love of my life in the face, giving him a split lip and a bruised jaw line.

"Oh God, Lotor, I am so sorry! What are you doing sneaking upon me like that?!" I yelp as I try to help tend to his new injury on his face.

"I'm fine, I did try calling your name ten times, but you were to focused on the training that you didn't hear me." He says as he laughs a little bit. 

"It won't happen again sir." I say as I put my fist over my chest in a solute. he waves his hand in dismissal.

"No need for formalties here, we should go eat." He says as he grabs my hand.

"Yeah, I'm starving." I say as he pulls me off to our next destination.

A/N Hey, guys. I am sooo tired. We have been having semester finals and projects left and right! Highschool am I right?  I am so sorry for not updating. I hope you liked the chapter. See ya'll later! Don't forget to comment and like! Also feel free to follow me if you like my writting.