Oktober Mermaids

My Octomaid Roommate

I heard three explanations of octomaids before I left for college:

✔️ Octomaids are mermaids with octopus tentacles for the lower torso, rather than the veilteil fin of betta, the thick-scaled fin of a shark, or the cow-spotted fin of an orca.

✔️ Octomaids are a rather specific off-shoot of mermaid evolution, found only in the contained ecosystem of Australian coral.

✔️ Octomaids have a human face on their head, and a bird face in the centerfold of their eight violet, suction-cupped fins.

Of the three, I hoped only one or two of them were true. Since my roommate is going to be an octomaid, I can seriously use some alternate facts.

♦️

Before you ask, Wait how can a mermaid be your roommate, yes, I knew in advance half my dorm room would be occupied by a jacuzzi, and yes, I agreed to the arrangement in writing.

I just didn't think we'd share a bathroom.

I mean really, who wants to use the tub after their roomie rubbed fish oil all over it?

And don't get me started about the fit she throws when I order sushi. It's not like I pitch and whine when she orders a cheeseburger, just because the cow is also a mammal.

♦️

I know, by now, you want to meet the octomaid, since every other person I meet asks about my roommate and nothing else.

But she's a model for a swimming pool magazine, a hotel billboard company, and a whale watching calendar, so she doesn't have time for me and you.

♦️

Since every story can afford no more or less than one dream scene, I wanted to tell you about the nightmare I had of the octomaid.

It was rooted in my part-time job.

I'm a game tester at this tiny video game company of twelve guys and two gals. We're going to shut down soon, when the economy slips into another pothole; but for now, I run three-dimensional models of small animals into walls in virtual worlds all day for less-than-a-livable minimum wage.

I'd like to say it's hard work, but it's more disturbing than anything. Like the guys in the cubicles next to me were claiming our boss watches hentai.

So I wandered by the boss's office, peering through a glass porthole in his oak door.

That's when I saw the octomaid crawl out of the monitor to force his head into the beaked face at the centerfold of her eight fins.

Then I woke up. Because that's the disappointing way every dream has to end.

♦️

I'll tell you this other story that actually happened, when I lived with the octomaid.

It's probably important to mention, I only lived with her for a semester, due to this extraordinary situation.

One Wednesday morning, when I came home from my intro to psych class to hit the books, I opened the door to water, water everywhere, like a water bed sprung a leak and devoured a bedroom with its chilling murk.

And this isn't too far from what actually spilled out: the massive tank she had installed in half the room.

Her and her merman friend were sprawled on my violet carpet floor, laughing hysterically. They were dressed in tank tops, drunk, and their limbs were woven together like there was more than two of them.

Sorry, my roommate told me, but we slammed a little too hard into the wall just now.

I have a couple of pics of the broken tank. They remind me of a glass bottle shattered in a church.

I'm not sure I'd ever agree to having roommates again.

♦️

First draft: October 18
Word count: 617
Inspiration:
https://my.w.tt/U8Rsys00PQ