This Is Me

Oct 9, 2018

This morning was a weird one. I woke up and it was darker than usual outside. I looked at my alarm and it said 6:30 A.M. as it usually does. Except not usually. I had usually set my alarm for 6 o'clock, but decided that wasn't giving me enough time to recover from sneaking and watching Youtube under my covers till 1 o'clock daily. For some reason, neither my mind nor body would believe that it was 6:30 so I fell back asleep. Woke back up at 7. Got dressed so fast that I forgot deodorant and practically ran out of the door while my stepdad was tryna talk to me about...something. I don't remember. Was supposed to be in 1st bell at 7:30. Strolled in at about 7:50, as I have for the past few days now. 

Most of the day was a dull void. It usually is unless I get lucky enough to see Rory and walk her to class in between 1st and 2nd bell. Sometimes, I get unlucky enough to see Jacki, one of my exes, in the hall as I dash my way back to second bell. She sees me too. I can tell by the pang in my stomach from a lost 5 year friendship. The rest of the day is a blur until lunch when I got to sit next to Rory and Ben, my good online and IRL friend. We eat and talk about game stuff.

Lunch today was half filled with game talks and Rory kinda sorta going off about her current predicament with Lola. I don't understand the situation. All I know is that Lola wants some insignificant amount of money, that she gave Rory "when they were friends", back. I only heard this when Markus came and told Rory, who was at my lunch table. I deemed it stupid. After some coaxing and calming Rory went to her next bell and I sat down for 5th bell study hall. 

I received a text like 20 seconds after sitting down from Drea saying that her and Jazz were studying psych in the library and they already signed me in. So, I stealthily left my chair (without permission) and went to the library to study with them. "Study" is a loose translation of the actual event. They have psych. I don't. Thus, I sit there and talk to them. As per usual.

The day continues to blur until 7th bell. 7th bell is usually marching band. But, since all we have to do is clean our performance, we're also doing indoor band. I am first chair baritone horn/Euphonium in wind ensemble, the "better" band. It wasn't that hard to be first chair given that there are 4 baritone players and there can only be two in the two of our indoor bands. We've got Christmas music, which I hate. It has high notes, which I hate. After marching band we might be forced to stay in indoor band, which I hate.

After school, I went with Rory to her AP chemistry help night. I had legitimately no damn clue what they were talking about. I stayed and ate crackers for an hour. Then, I hugged her goodbye and went to work. I work in a dry cleaning plant as a garment marker. It's as exciting as it sounds. 

I stayed till 6 something then went home. I had a quick mental breakdown with Rory, but she called and helped to reassure me that I was fine and did nothing wrong. Then I opened my laptop to sneakily type this up a little past my bedtime. I am to lay soundly (with struggling) to sleep at about 12. Goodnight to you good Sir. Or madam. Or both. Or neither for that fact. You can be whatever you want. I'll still love you Count Stranger.

Excuse that nonsense at the end. It's slightly loopy me tryna be funny.