My madness

Why do i feel this way...

Every day after I get home from school i fun to my room, it's dark I don't like the lights... I always am left alone with me demons... My wals always speak to me the tell to me I should die I'm worth less.... They tell me to kill myself... I look over to my desk I start to cry, I see scissors...i grab them, put them to my skin and slide.. I watch as I see blood and a deep cut I do this about 30 times... Next day I wake up pain in my arm I go to school I try to hide my arm but can't my friends find out... Next day I find out the cut becuz I cut... I start feeling bad becuz of it so I told them I would never do it again so I lied and said I would never do it again... But no after I got home I did it again...soon o stopped for about 3 months then depression kicks in again and I start again but this time with a knife to.... I found out a friend tried to kill them self I was depressed so I tried to but it did not work all it did was make me put... Few days later I try cutting my wrist fail Then I start to cut on my hip not my arm (CUZ my parents found out)...then soon I use a pencil sharpener blade it goes deeper... I got in to lots of depression I had to lie to my friends about how I got some cuts my walls still tell me to die but o don't tell any one about it anymore, one day I got in to a fight I also cut when angry... So I got in to a fight with my parents,depression kicks in.... I cut deep it bleed more then I thought it would and it worried my..the after that a friend texted me talking about depressed stuff like how she felt like she was useless, did not need to live so I fought with her...I got depressed again so I cut....she asked me why I'm always depressed I told her becuz every one around me won't stop talking about depressing things all my friend keep saying there useless and need to die...I feel the same way so it don't help that others around me are saying and feeling the same way when I know that it's not true about them...