Love and All that Jazz

Love Me Or Not?

Here I was on morning duty. Just as ma'am O instructed. It was 6:30 on the wall clock so I went to the comfort room to fix myself. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't help but notice, I look like crap. Mornings bring out the monster in me. I still had my 'i just woke up' face and it's embarrassing.

I put on some loose powder, a useless effort in trying to look presentable. Heck, it's better than nothing.

I tied my long, dark brown hair into a bun, put on my hairnet and visor, and braced myself for ma'am O's opening remarks. I don't even know what opening remarks are. This would be the first time I'll see one.

I was about to walk into the working area when I heard ma'am O's voice over the mall intercom.

"Ice, come out to the customer service counter. We are waiting"

As I was walking towards the counter, Jesus popped out of nowhere and joined me as I walked towards all the other merchandisers. They all cheered.

"This is Ice. I'm sure you're all very excited to hear her!" This was soo weird. Ma'am O is actually smiling while talking about me! It's like she was actually proud of me. Was she?

"Whooo! let's hear the song bird. Ice! Ice! Ice! Ice! Ice!" I heard Jesus brag which took away the butterflies in my stomach. I didn't feel nervous anymore. They cheered simultaneously. So I took a deep breath and began signing my first note----

♫ When I'm lost.. In the rain..

In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.. ♫

The cheers and 'whooos' started pouring out into the air. I always choose that song for intermissions. It felt like the safest song for me. The intro wasn't too high, and it was sung by a singer known for her singing prowess so it kinda gave out the illusion that I could sing high notes (which I can't).

A few more lines and I sang the chorus. They seemed happy hearing me. Even ma'am Orange lost her usual expression. It was briefly replaced by a smile. It has always amazed me, the fact that a simple song could make other people happy and begin loving you so suddenly.

I remember feeling the same way about Rio. The moment he sang for our school project. I started feeling this.. I don't know. Love perhaps? I don't want to remember. Still, the feeling was there. I felt it and so did other people. I wasn't even his girlfriend yet but I already had competition.

Before the actual presentation, I spent a lot of time with my own team. The four of us spent almost every hour together. We practiced every chance we got.

"Ice!" I heard a voice call me from behind. I didn't look back. I forgot my glasses at home so I couldn't see one damn thing clearly. The day went in a blur, Literally! I felt a hand yank me from behind my shoulder.

"Ow! A little more gentle please? That would be appreciated." I whined. Seeing it was Haze, I smiled and he smiled back. We've been getting pretty close these past few days. All four of us did.

"We both know you're not deaf, why do you keep acting like one" He said, it wasn't really a question. More like an observation. Haze was the closest to me out of the four. Partly due the fact that he's the only one who's always available among the group. Kevin was popular, so he only hung out with us when necessary. Jome also kept to himself. I told him about how girly his voice was.

"I know." Jome sighed. "So now I guess you know. That uhh.. er, well I'm.."

"Kinda gay, yeah" I said. Feeling ashamed I said it out loud.

He looked down. Now I just felt bad saying it to his face. "Hey, it's okay." was all I could say. I've never had a gay friend before. The consoling and encouraging thing was new to me. I don't even know if I sound encouraging. Perhaps I did because the next thing I knew Jome was hugging me. I hugged him back, rather awkwardly.

We all met up after school. We went to Kevin's house to look at his guitars. I thought he only owned one but heck he had like three! an acoustic one, and electric one and the last one was sort of a combination of both.

He wasn't bragging when he said he was wealthy. He had other instruments in his living room. I figured they were there for display. He doesn't look like the type to play instruments. There was an organ, a piano, a saxophone, a set of drums and amplifiers.

Haze looked like he was in heaven. He really loved instruments. He looked like a kid at Christmas. Bouncing from one place to another. Examining each instrument like it was some sort of artifact.

Jome and I sat down on the couch. Kevin excused himself and came back with shot glasses and a bottle of vodka. I was slightly alarmed. I've never drunk alcohol before. My mom raised me believing it was evil so I never dared to try and drink one.

All the others took shots like it was nothing. Then Kevin handed me a glass, I nodded no.

"Aw, come on Ice? Vodka isn't gonna get you drunk you know." I've heard that being said in movies. The girl usually ends up getting drunk/drugged and/or raped. Not that I think my team mates are rapists. A girl just has to know how to say 'No'.

"I'm good Kevin. Honest."

"Suit yourself ." he ignored me and downed the shot in a single gulp.

They didn't really get drunk. Kevin told me that contrary to what my mom believed, alcohol isn't completely evil. He said that with the right amount, it could save you from embarrassment and/or give you a confidence boost.

Jome was a testament to that. In a second he completely lost his shyness and began singing to something Haze was playing. He sounded soo amazing!

The song was suppose to be a duet, but Jome sang both the female and male parts.

♫ And I hate how much I love you boy.. I can't stand how much I need you.. ♫

He sang the female part and believe me when I tell you that he sounded like a girl! Most gay guys sing, well, like gay guys but Jome sounded like a real woman. If you close your eyes you would never guess he was a guy.

I figured we were ready for the project. I could have Kevin play the beatbox and Haze on guitar, then Jome and I would be the lead singers. When the song was over things went a little out of hand. Jome had one too many shots and he kinda lost it! He was blabbering inaudible stuff and he dropped to the floor face first. Good thing he didn't hurt himself. Believe me when I tell you that he sounded retarded.

He cried. Not just normal crying but ugly crying. He was wailing and saying sorry, we had no idea what he was sorry for.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry being like this. I'll change if I could. I really would. Please forgive me. Don't hate me please.."

The rest were just sobs and sniffles. I patted and stroked his back, Kevin and Haze just stood close. Trying to take in what was happening in front of us. We kept quiet. Probably wondering about the same thing. What could we possibly do to help. A friend was in need. We had to do something.

***To some of you who aren't familiar, Marice sang "I Turn To You---Christina Aguillera" and Jome sang "Hate That I Love You---Rihanna and Chris Brown"

***In the picture you can see Ice and Haze*