Letting Go of Jamie

Chapter 4:Bring Him Back

This is REALLY short I know. I'm thinking of taking it out. But i also want to show Tabby's vunerable side. I don't know, what do you think i should do?  

 Chapter 4: Bring Him Back

The rest of the day passed quickly, and I received no more trouble from the Populars besides the occasional shove and dirty glares. I just glared back and flipped them the bird. I was happy to find out that Matthew was in my last two classes, Math and P.E. I didn’t try to approach Matt again, thinking he had enough excitement for the day. I was content to watch him from a far, and admire his cute features. When the day was over, I quickly went home and changed into some workout cloths. Kat was home, and making dinner when I came down from my room. She told me dinner would be ready in an hour, and I went to the backyard.

 Working out has always been a good stress reliever for me, and although today wasn’t as bad as I expected, it was bad enough. I also thought well when I was moving my muscles, so as I shadow boxed an invisible opponent, I thought about Matthew.

 I could see that he needed help with his bully problem, and he looked to have the potential for a good fighter, or at least someone who could block a punch. He was so innocent though, I hated to make him like me. I knew from experience that once you defeated someone, someone else would step in to take their place, wanting to beat you. If Matt took care of Trent, I was sure someone else would start to try and hurt him. It was a vicious cycle. And I doubt he would want to beef up anyway, the way he acted around Trent and his posse. And it wasn’t like I could make him work out.

On the other hand, I couldn’t be there to save him all the time and I was concerned for his health, mental and physical. Bullying took a great toll on people and often led to self harm, eating disorders, or even suicide. I defiantly didn’t want that to happen.

 I stopped in my tracks.

 Why did I care about the little twerp? Sure he was nice looking (ok gorgeous) but that didn’t mean anything. Why was I worrying about some kid that I just officially met today? I was here to make a better life for myself, and to come to terms with Jamie’s death, not to make goo- goo eyes at some weakling. I was turning soft!

That thought angered me and I started to punch harder, trying to let go of all these crazy thoughts. Don’t worry about anybody but yourself. It’s just you. Jamie’s not here anymore, so it’s just you. You can’t afford to let anyone in. No one can be let in. It’s just you.

 Just me.

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 “Higher Tabby! Higher!” screamed Jamie from the swing set. We were in our favorite park, the day bright and sunny and the sound of traffic muffled by the surrounding trees. His blond hair sparkled in the sunlight, and his green eyes were like emeralds.

 “Are you sure?” I asked as I pushed Jamie, laughing along with him.

 “Yes! Higher!”

 “Okay, hold on then!” I told him as I pushed him higher. His laughter rang like bells through the trees, shrieking and screaming with joy as he left the earth and came back down, only to be sent up again. He held a light in his eyes that only children can hold, warmth that the world took away at some point in a person’s life.

 Then it all came crashing down.

 Jamie screamed not in delight, but in terror as he fell like a bird with a broken wing from the swing set.

 “Jamie!” I screamed and tried to race towards him, but I couldn’t move. My feet were sinking into the ground as the light was sucked from the world, turning everything gray. Jamie wasn't  getting up, only laying there, alone and broken.

 “Jamie!” I scream, struggling to get to him. I panted and pulled but I just kept sinking and sinking, being eaten by the cold grey earth. I had to get to him. I had to. I had to save him, he’s my little boy. I began panicking and trying to claw my way back up, but it just sucked me in faster.

 “Jamie!” I scream as my mouth and lungs filled with sand and earth, suffocating me and cutting off my screams.

 “Why didn’t you save me Tabby?” is the last thing I hear before my world fades to dark.

 “Jamie!” I scream bolting up in bed, shivering and trembling and covered in a cold sweat.

 “Jamie! Jamie come back!” I scream as I start to cry, holding my head. My aunt bursts in the room and comes over to me, her red hair wild and untamed.

“Jaaamie!” I scream as my aunt tries takes me in her arms, but I thrash at her. It hurts, it hurts so much. Why the hell did he have to die?! He should be here with me! He didn’t deserve to die! And what? Because his stupid body betrays him! He should be here! With me! I sob into my aunts arms, shaking with sobs and sadness.

 “Come back. Come back please! I miss you!” I sob, begging God, Allah who ever would listen.

 Just bring him back…