The next few days passed and Sienna found herself actually getting used to her new routine. Waking up at three in the morning to help get the lads out of bed to go record, being in a different city every night, sleeping in a small bunk instead of her queen bed, and averaging four—five on good nights—hours of sleep a night no longer seemed strange to her.
She paused her progress on her latest archaeological assignment and smiled around at the boys who were sitting around playing fifa.
She took a deep breath and relaxed against the back of the sofa. The boys were yelling about something that had happened in the game, but Sienna hadn't heard it.
She was only focusing on their expressions. The smiles and the playful insults she knew they were throwing at each other. The only thing that managed to snap her out of her trance was Calum. He snuck a look over his shoulder at her and his smile perked up.
His eyes on her made Sienna suddenly nervous.
She wondered what he was thinking in that moment. She wondered what he thought any time he looked at her.
Does he, Sienna questioned herself, see playful banter?
Nothing more than someone to flirt with?
Has he ever even thought of me the way I think of him?
Calum's attention turned back to the video game after his distraction caused him to turn the ball over to Luke and Ashton's team which earned him plenty of vulgar insults from Michael.
Of course not, Sienna realized. Why would a guy like him ever want me?
Sienna's peace at mind gradually faded away as the destructive thoughts she knew all too well flooded in.
Do any of the boys even like having me around?
Do they feel like they can't be themselves because they're stuck with a girl on tour?
Are they tired of always having to worry about me hurting myself when they're not around?
Am I just a burden to everyone?
The thoughts consumed her and the air in her lungs seemed to be trapped there. She attempted to calm herself because she didn't want to worry the boys, but she couldn't catch her breath.
She tossed her laptop onto the sofa besides her, jumped up from her seat, and rushed through the bus to the bathroom where she quickly shut the door behind her.
Luke quickly paused their game. The boys each glanced around at each other.
"I'll go check on her." Calum stood quickly.
"I can-" Ashton suggested, but Calum was already on his way to Sienna.
"I've got her." Calum insisted before hurrying back to the bathroom. He knocked softly on the door. "Enna?" He asked quietly.
He stepped closer to the door in hopes of hearing a response.
Sienna stood in the bathroom, her hands gripping the sink as she leaned forward on them. She continued to struggle for air.
YOU ARE READING
Dirty Little Secret // C.H.
Fanfiction"We can't tell anyone." She told him. "Luke would kill us." "Don't worry, babe." Calum smirked. "It'll be our dirty little secret."
