A Gathering of Heroes series: Anhu

Chapter 5 (Li)

I stretch out on my old tiny wooden bed, feeling more relaxed than I have in a long time. Huang-dafu has finally said that he doesn't think that whatever Qiuhuo has will continue to affect her. Granted, some things are different now, but... No more fainting spells. No more death-like states. Everything will finally go back to normal.

I hear the rickety door creak and open my eyes to see a small pudgy child slip in, hands tightly gripping two little mantou.

"Hey, Xiaolong," I say, sitting up. After a moment, he raises his habitually downcast face up to meet mine. I look into his mismatched eyes and smile. "Are one of those for me?"

He nods and scurries over to my side with an agility that belies his physique. He sidles up beside me on the tiny bed and holds one of the mantou out for me. I smile and take the still-warm bun in my hand as he neatly kicks off his worn sandals and pulls his legs up onto the bed to sit cross-legged with me. He tears off a small piece his mantou and nibbles it thoughtfully.

We sit in silence, enjoying our mantou and listening to the sounds of the orphanage preparing for winter around us. I hear the children chattering excitedly, the adults discussing what's lacking, and, if I listen closely enough, Jiedao and Qiuhuo bickering. Again.

"Jiejie, is Qiu-jie sick?"

I look over at Xiaolong, who is determinedly avoiding my eyes. His old habit. No matter how much we tell him to the contrary, even to this day, he believes that his parents abandoned him at the edge of the forest for his mismatched eyes, one a beautiful silvery white, the other an unfathomable inky black. I know that they're a source of his constant shame, an excuse he uses to distance himself from the other children. I reach out and run a hand gently over the side of his face, tilting his face up meet mine, which he does with measurable hesitation.

"She's fine," I respond, only after he meets my eyes. "Why do you ask?"

Wariness shows in his eyes as he responds, "Her qi feels different."

Ever so sensitive, I think to myself. "Yes. It does, doesn't it?"

He starts to nod before realizing that I am still holding his face. "Yes. So that's why I thought that maybe she is sick."

"Have you asked her about it?"

"No."

"Good," I say, removing my hand only to wrap my arm around the child. I bring him close to me, rubbing his arm comfortingly. He relaxes against me. "She's not sick. But neither Huang-dafu nor I know what it is. So we don't want to tell her until we know more."

Xiaolong snuggles closer to me, dropping a few crumbs onto my tunic as he reaches his arm around my waist in a semi-hug. "Is she scared?" he whispers.

"I don't know," I reply honestly. "I would be if I were her. But she's brave. Braver than me."

Xiaolong shakes his head, ruffling my tunic in the process. "I think she's scared."

"Is that so?" I answer, placing a kiss on top of his head. He tightens his grip on me, and I notice that he's shivering slightly. "Are you?"

He nods against me mutely.

"I won't let anything happen to her," I whisper resolutely. "To her, or me, or you. Any of us."

He relaxes against me ever so slightly and stops shivering. I continue petting him comfortingly, although I'm not sure for whose benefit, his or mine. We're both a little lost, seeking comfort and direction in each other. Orphans, abandoned on the side of a dusty road, unloved, growing up to be insecure in our relationships with other people. That's what we are, or have been. All of us.