i just want you in my side
a thorn
to remind me what hurts most
and i could go to my mommy with tweezers
a crying child
but i’ll never let her dig you out
you’ll fester
a conspiracy in my sick and mortal mind
i’ll write a million words
a study of you
and not a one of them will matter
my legacy devoured
by the parasite in my gullet
close the door and shut up when i’m talking to you
i’ll tell you all the secrets
the ones i screamed but you never had the patience to comprehend
my language is slow-learned
your illiteracy keeps us apart
mine are not words of grunts and bleats
but of code so much older than thought
that’s why these feelings spill out
they are not thoughts
they are demons
my heart is a pariah
and i only let it speak through this sludge
mud on a blank space
we hold fast to these rails
even after they’ve rusted and fallen to the floor
clinging like a child to her security blanket
too gun-shy of reality
it’s funny
how easily betrayed a person can be
when his only friends are letters on a page
i
once so deeply infatuated by the unpredictable until it trudged through my life
blatant arrogance with chaos on a leash
its adoring pet
i wonder
how blurred is that line between your acting and your you?
i crave the pain of your presence
