fake [s.m] (REWRITE)

chapter twenty-five

[third person]
-

shawns gaze turns to confusion, as he stares at anya, an unreadable look on his face. he lets a small sigh pass his lips, before letting go of her hands to wipe his cheeks, and look at her again.

"can i read it to you?" anya asks him softly, slipping the piece of paper out of her back pocket. shawn nods, gazing down at her neat and precise handwriting, before looking back up at her, and almost crumbling again.

even the talk with her parents made him cry.

he begged them and begged them to push the blame on him, he explained everything to her parents, and he made sure they knew none of it was anya's fault. of course, they realised what they did wrong, and anya's mum ended up hugging shawn and crying to him too. shawn got back, took an uber straight to staples centre, and started crying the minute he was alone.

"to my dearest shawn," she reads aloud, looking down at the letter she wrote him. "i know you're sorry, and i know that you had no idea about what else was going on. i felt so bad when i had to lie to you, because i simply couldn't tell you the truth. the day after i found out, i kept thinking to myself that i wasn't enough for you, for the fans, for the press. i wasn't doing my job correctly, but most of all, i didn't think i was treating you right. i had messed you up way too many times to count, i know i had made so many mistakes in the short time we've known each other, but when i told you there was someone else, my heart completely broke."

"a-anya," shawn breathes out, tearing up yet again. "don't ever think like that."

"i didn't know what to do, so i panicked, and told you that. but when you snapped, i can vividly remember my heart simply just breaking. i didn't realise you could be that cold hearted, i never thought you would hurt me like that," she reads, as shawn feels the lump grow bigger in his throat, tears streaming down his cheeks. "then, you found out the truth, and my heart hurt even more. i couldn't believe i put us through that, when i could've just easily told you the truth. you fought so hard for me again, and you fixed every single wrong thing that happened, which i can't thank you enough for."

"so here i am, writing to you about how i feel about you. shawn, i adore you. i truly do adore you, but i don't want you to think that you're the one who screwed everything up. i love you, shawn, i'm never going to stop, and i don't think i'll ever fall out of love with you. i miss everything about you, even though it's only been maybe three weeks. i miss our conversations, i miss seeing your face when i wake up, i miss making two coffees instead of one, i miss everything, shawn, so please don't tell me to find someone else, when i've already met my prince charming." she breathes out, her hands shaking gently. "i love you, shawn."

"anya-"

"but that doesn't mean i trust you. you completely broke me down. you ruined my entire life, in the matter of a week. you broke any trust you earned from me, and i don't think you'll ever be able to get that back. i was so angry, i still am angry, and i don't even know what to think about what happened. i know you didn't mean it, but you ruined my life. you made me think that i had no one. i had to take down every single social media account because of you, i had to lock myself away because of you. i only went out at night, i didn't leave camilas at all during the day." she blurts out, making shawns eyes go wide with guilt, and more tears spill out of his caramel eyes.

"i'm sorry," he cries. "i'm so fucking sorry anya, i-"

"let me finish," she shoots at him, making him quieten down immediately. "you made me feel like utter shit, shawn. and i still love you. i love you so much, shawn, it hurts. i keep trying to convince myself that i'm being crazy, or immoral, but i really do love you. with all my love, anya." she breathes out a small sigh, folding up the letter, and looking at shawn.

"i-i gotta go," he mutters, standing up quickly, grabbing a fresh shirt. he looks back at anya, who's looking at him in shock.

"seriously? i spill my heart out to you, and you want to leave?" anya asks him, feeling hurt, her voice completely soft and gentle. "shawn, i'm not gonna hurt you."

"don't you realise telling me what i did hurts me more than you could imagine?" he questions, looking at her. "a-anya i- i don't even know what to say to you without hurting myself."

"talk to me, shawn. please tell me what's on your mind," she tells him quietly, standing up, and walking over to him, holding his larger hands in hers. "hey," she whispers, looking up at him, letting go of one of his hands, and cupping his pale cheek. "look at me, please shawn."

"i-i can't," he mumbles, turning his head away, making anya immediately push his cheek slightly to face her. "a-anya please."

"shawn," she tells him softly, "hey," she mumbles, leaning up, and pushing her soft lips over his cheek. "talk to me."

"i came to camila's. i wrote the letter whilst you were sleeping. it was that night you told me. i went upstairs and i sat with you, i held your hand and i cried. i cried for about an hour, sitting there, holding your hand, and telling you everything i wrote in that letter. even though you were asleep, i felt close to you. i thought it was going to be one of the last times i ever saw you," he spills, letting anya wrap her arms around his torso. "anya, i-" he cuts himself off with a sigh, frustration filling him. "i didn't even know the truth."

"i know," anya nods, guilt overcoming her. "i should have told you the truth."

"i understand why you didn't," he starts. "but i-i just wish you did." he lets out another sigh, looking straight at anya, seeing the pain behind her eyes. "i know sorry isn't enough, but i'm so sorry."

"i know you are," she says gently to him, moving her hands to cup his cheeks. "and i forgive you. i do, but i don't even know what's gonna happen between us now."

"ever heard of right love wrong time?" he breathes out. "maybe this is just our wrong time."

"maybe," she pushes. "shawn, i don't-i don't want us to never see each other again," shawn sighs again, nodding his head. "and i know you're probably gonna have to go now, but please don't stop talking to me."

"will you stay?" he asks her softly. "until the show is over?"

"yeah," she nods, pushing out a small smile.

"i'm gonna talk to andrew at some stage. i-i need to find out exactly why they made us end things," shawn says gently to her, moving his hands to her arms, finally giving her some of the contact she's been craving. "i will get this found out. there's got to be another reason why they ended us."

"i love you," she mentions softly to him. "please give me a reason to stay, shawn. whatever you do, just make sure you give me a reason to stay."

"i will," he nods. "i love you more, anya rose."

he tried his hardest to make sure he would find out everything, and most of all, give anya a reason to stay.