fake [s.m] (REWRITE)

chapter thirty-two

[shawn mendes]
-

the next couple days went by very slowly. usually, days feel like seconds when i'm with anya, but everything seemed to be awkward, and completely out of place. i didn't know what to say or do, and it seemed like she didn't even want to talk to me.

when she left me alone in the restaurant, i went on a long walk, trying to come up with something to say to her, but nothing came to my mind. i didn't know how to talk to her, even though she's the easiest person to talk to.

it was like she was completely gone.

i didn't know how to even look at her without feeling some sort of sadness laced with guilt. i knew i had hurt her from my own words and actions, and i knew that was the exact reason why she was completely off with me.

i look down beside me, seeing her fast asleep, curled up to the fluffy pillows, little snores escaping her pink lips, and her hair strewn messily about. she looked so much at peace, she looked beautiful.

it was late, maybe a couple minutes past two in the morning, but sleep was a far away friend. i couldn't get to sleep at all, but she seemed to find refuge in rest. i sigh softly, picking up my phone from the nightstand, and wandering out of the bed, straight to the terrace outside. i quickly dialled up aaliyah's number, and waited for her to pick up the phone.

"hey dude," aaliyah answers. "how's the honeymoon?"

"shit, if i'm honest," i admit. "and it's not a honeymoon, it's a holiday."

"you guys act like you're in the honeymoon phase, what's the difference?" she questions, making me chuckle softly. "what's up? why does it suck?"

"stuff happened on the first night and now we're not even talking to each other," i explain. "i don't know how to explain it, i've never felt so close yet so far away from her. it's like she's completely closing me off."

"hold on, hold on, hold on," aaliyah says quickly. "have you ever thought that she might feel closed off from you?"

i pause at her question, and i think for a few moments. of course she feels closed off from me. i've done nothing for the past three days apart from running away from what we really had to talk about.

"i guess," i mumble. "i haven't exactly tried either."

"she probably wants you to try, then," aaliyah tells me softly. "try with her, be patient."

"yeah i know," i sigh, running a hand through my hair. "i'm breaking her heart, and i can't do anything about it."

"is there a reason why you're not bothering? like, are you okay?" she asks me, concerned.

"i guess i'm okay," i shrug. "i don't know, maybe i'm not. over the last couple days, i've felt so far away from her, and everything in general. i thought we were okay, i thought we were more than okay, you know?"

"i wouldn't worry, shawn," she tells me. "just try to talk to her, try to work things out, because you're not doing anyone a favour if you don't even try."

"how can i not try?" i ask, my voice going completely soft. "i just want her back."

"you know what to do to get her back," she tells me firmly. "you need to open your mouth and talk to her."

"i know," i mumble. "i've never felt this way for anyone, ever before. i guess i'm just scared."

"why would you be scared? you have nothing to be scared about," aaliyah says gently, her tone changing completely.

"she's gorgeous, she's too good for me. whenever i mess up, she's always there, supporting me, helping me, and giving me the love that i need to continue. she could easily just leave, and i wouldn't know what to do with myself. she has so many people lining up for her, she has so much ahead of her, and maybe i'm just not her world, like she is mine," i explain, tears burning at my eyes.