fake [s.m] (REWRITE)

chapter seven

[third person]
-

"what do you mean you made a girl have an eating disorder?" his mum yells at him over the phone, making shawn flinch, and the tears roll down his cheeks harder. "shawn, what the heck have you done?"

"i-i don't know mum," he cries, sniffling softly. "i-i really don't know."

"shawn, i'm so disappointed in you," she tells him over the phone, her words hitting shawn like knives. "i can't believe you. i thought we raised you better than this."

"i-i didn't know what i was saying mum, i-i didn't r-realise it-" his mum hangs up the phone, making shawns breath get caught at the back of his throat. he lets his phone fall from his hand onto the couch of the bus, as he stares out in shock, the tears rolling down his cheeks like little streams leading to a river.

the door to the bus opens up, surprising shawn, but he doesn't let it change his stature. the band come in, laughing between themselves, followed by brian, geoff, and then andrew, with anya trailing behind them. anya looks as empty as shawn, her eyes finding their way to shawns, who looks back straight at her.

the bus falls silent.

"um, let's all call it a day," geoff decides, looking at the state that shawns in, as the rest of the crew nod, heading to their bunks or other areas of the bus, apart from where shawn is in the lounge. shawn sighs, looking away from anya, and down at his lap instead, wiping away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

"come on, buddy, let's go get you a drink," geoff says to shawn, placing his hand on his shoulder, as soon as everyone else had cleared away. shawn nods, looking up at geoff, who leads him to the kitchenette, opening the fridge, and handing him a beer. shawn cracks it open on the side of the counter, taking a long sip immediately.

"i-is there anything stronger?" he asks softly, his voice raspy. geoff nods, taking the beer back, and opening up a cabinet, taking out a scotch. he pours it out neat into a glass for shawn, and hands it to him, before leading him out of the bus, that isn't supposed to leave for another hour.

"sit down," geoff tells shawn, pointing to the concrete steps outside. shawn nods again, sitting down on the steps, geoff sitting next to him, holding the beer in his hands. "so, do you wanna tell me your side of things?"

"i-i didn't know what i was doing," shawn says sadly, taking a sip of his drink, letting the alcohol burn the back of his throat. "i really didn't, geoff."

"i know you didn't," he tells him. "but shawn, you have to know that things you say always have consequences."

"i know," shawn says, letting another tear roll down. "i just-" he sighs. "my life is such a mess. i have a fake girlfriend, geoff."

"i know it's hard for you," geoff understands. "i don't think anyone realises how difficult it is for you. but you still have to realise everything you say has effects."

"i know," he mumbles again, looking down at the alcohol in the glass. "i called my mum."

"oh no," geoff says, realising what happened. shawn nods, as geoff sighs, rubbing shawns back. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay," he sighs. "i deserve it. i'm such a horrible person." he finishes the scotch in a quick shot, leaving the glass empty. "she's so disappointed in me."

"look, buddy," geoff says to him, making shawn look up with glassy eyes. "it's gonna be hard for you for the next few days, you understand that right?"

"everyone hates me. i hate me."

"no they don't, everyone's just a little shocked," geoff says. "just stick through it okay? it'll all be back to normal soon."

"are you sure?" shawn asks, wiping his eyes. "because i'm not."

"don't worry," geoff says, patting shawns back, and standing up. "you sitting out here for a bit?" shawn nods in response, making geoff sigh. "don't worry, bud." shawn hums in response, letting geoff walk back into the bus, leaving shawn alone.

how could i have done that? shawn thinks to himself, looking up to the night sky, letting a sigh tumble from his lips. how could i hurt a girl so much? anya's perfect, she's perfect. he rests his arms on his thighs, joining his hands together.

"want some company?" he hears in the darkness. shawn looks up, seeing anya in front of him, hugging his hoodie close to her. shawns mouth goes slightly agape, and she walks forward, sitting on the steps above shawn.

"please go back in the bus," shawn mumbles, his eyes going glassy again.

"why?"

"because i'm scared," he murmurs, looking down at the ground.

"scared of what?"

"scared of hurting you again," he admits, looking up in front of him, as anya sighs, moving down to sit on the same step as him. "anya, please, i'm terrified."

"you're not gonna hurt me," she mutters. "i decided to do what i did. you didn't do anything to me."

"i'm sorry," he apologises, letting the tears fall down his cheeks again. he looks down at anya, as she gasps softly, her eyes scanning his face. "i'm so fucking sorry."

"don't cry," she whispers, cupping his cheek softly. "please don't cry." she uses her thumb to wipe away his tears, as he quickly moves away from her.

"please, anya," he cries. "i-i'll hurt you."

"no you won't," anya says to him, shuffling closer towards him, and grasping his hands in hers. she places them on her waist, removing her hands, and leaving shawns there.

"a-anya please," he whispers, "please. i'm scared."

"you're so frustrating," she mutters quietly, before swinging her leg around shawns hips, straddling his lap, as his hands stay soft on her waist. "see? you're not hurting me."

"a-anya," he says inaudibly, as she cups his cheeks, wiping his tears away. "please don't."

"you're not gonna hurt me," she reminds him, leaning closer. "kiss me." she whispers, her minty breath fanning shawns face.

"anya, p-please," he whispers. "i-i can't hurt you, please," he begs, as anya shakes her head, leaning forward and pressing her lips softly upon shawns. she kisses him gently, not wanting him to feel anything but pleasure, before she pulls away, seeing shawns eyes flutter open. "what was that for?"

"did you like it?" he nods, leaning forward, his eyes closing, as he kisses her back, moving his hands up and down her back, as she plays with the hairs behind his neck. they kiss for what seems like seconds, but in reality were minutes, before they both pull away, anya smiling softly at shawn. "you still think you're gonna hurt me?"

"i'm so sorry, anya," he whispers. "i know it's my fault, so i'm gonna do everything i can to make you healthy again," anya bites down on her lower lip, nodding at shawn.

"come on, let's go back in," she says to him, getting off of his lap, and standing up, holding her hand out. shawn takes it in his, and she lightly drags him up, swaying their hands as the two of them walk back into the bus, heading straight to the bunks. anya lets go of shawns hand, turning around, so her back is resting against the ladder wall, and shawns tall frame is towering over her.

"goodnight," he whispers, leaning down to kiss her once more.

"sweet dreams," she mumbles back, pulling her lips away from his, leaving his lips pink and slightly swollen. shawn leaves anya, going to his bunk and crawling in immediately.

somehow, the sadness disappears from him, and he lies down, a smile painted on his lips.

how did he not realise he was attracted to her?