Pieces of a Puzzle

EBay

Will do something if you give him a beer. This was at the top of the description, since it seemed like the best-selling point. He really wasn't useful unless he had one in hand.

Sherri's husband had been bothering her for a while. He would constantly barge into their house in the middle of the night, shouting about what "the guys" had done that night that he just "couldn't forget". Well, the boys had nothing on Sherri. She swore to her husband she would sell him off like a Persian princess. He had laughed at her. Well, who would be laughing now?

She tried to think of something even better to say about. She didn't have much material to work with. He was a pretty big asshole. Ding! She had it. Will like you more if shown private parts. Stays very excited. Work for little to nothing. She was rolling in laughter at this point. Then, she had her first bid. TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS??? Who would pay THAT much for a middle-age white man with no muscles or anything good about him at all? The bid had come from an unknown address. It was also in a foreign language. With a broad smile on her face, she contacted the seller and sold her husband away.

Best part of it all: She offered him up for 6dollars, one dollar for each roll of fat he had.