Day after day after day. Things go from bad to worse an so forth. The more she suffers the worst it gets. Eventually it's almost like the girl she was, just isn't, anymore. But it's gone on for so long that people just think that's how she is.
"She's the quite type.", "she doesn't usually talk much.", or things like "she's rude! She hardly spoke to me at all!", "she wouldn't even look me in the eye,.".
This happens so often that people soon forget she has anxiety at all. She's just the quite/shy/rude girl who sets alone.
As far as relationships go? When she finds someone nice? They turn out to be jerks. Narcissistic. Egotistical. Manipulators. Cheaters. Liars. She spent four years with a guy who literally controlled Many aspects of her life. From who she could talk to down to what makeup and cloths she could wear. He projected all of his insecurities and all of his actions onto her. And she was constantly apologizing to him for him hurting her.
So it's no wonder she's able to fall in love with this kind of pain. It's no wonder that the hurt she feels, the fear it causes is what makes her run straight back to it. Catering to its every need. Apologizing when it hurts her. It's etched into her hard drive.
But you never see it. She doesn't like to show others her weakness. Because if you wear your heart on your sleeve, it's sure to get hurt.
She's in love. And it scares her. Listening to her own heart beat at a million miles per hour as she stares at the wall. Huddled in a corner where no one can find her. No one sees. No one notices. No one cares.
Except Anxiety. Anxiety is always there. Wrapping his long arms around her slender body. Cradling her into a darkened mindset. Showing her all the ways she went wrong, and all the things she failed to do right. Anxiety was so nice. Anxiety cares so much. If it didn't, it wouldn't be this honest with her, right? And then she apologizes. "I'm sorry for not listening to you in the first place."
