If I Die Trying ~ Yoonmin

The eleventh chapter ~

Yoongi didn't move an inch after being walked to sit at the aisle. It's midnight, cold and he wants to cry. Seeing Jimin alive in front of his eyes, eyes dark and emotionless, hurts him so badly. 

He runs his thumb over dried blood that burst on his hand as Jimin ripped his wounds open. How did all this end up here? Yoongi didn't have this planned. 

 ~~ 

Jimin was transferred to closed ward, being under 24/7 observation for being harmful to himself. After one week he was allowed to take in visitors, Yoongi didn't want to face him alone so they went together: Jungkook, Taehyung and him. 

Jungkook was the first one to jump in Jimin's arms. When Yoongi saw Jimin smile, wave of relief ran over his whole body and spirit. Nothing serious was talked about, Jungkook told about what's been happening in world and Taehyung told weird jokes that couldn't have been more irrelevant. 

"I'm hungry," Jungkook says to Taehyung as a hint to leave them alone for a while. "We're gonna grap something to eat," he gets up and graps his love, heading up to the cafe in the hospital.

Yoongi gulps slightly too loud and sits next to Jimin, who tries his best to dodge any eye contact. So much is going on inside Yoongi's mind he doesn't know where to start. 

"So...hi," he starts and wants to hide realizing how awkward he is right now. 

"Mm," Jimin mumbles and pulls the sleeves of his shirt lower insecure. Jimin does feel smaller suddenly. But Yoongi gently takes his hand and just holds it, bringing comfort.

"Yoongi-ah," Jimin whispers, shaky broken voice echoes on Yoongi's ears. You never know how simple things you would miss before you realize you could lose it. Yoongi looks at his face waiting for what he has to say. But nothing comes out of his mouth. 

"Just let me be here, don't push me away. I'll be here, I'll do anything, I'll visit you everyday and bring you chocolate and your favorite music and we can sing along together even though I can't sing for God's sake," Yoongi says, tears blurring his sight, smiling weakly. "Because you love to sing," Yoongi adds whispering and turns his gaze away for a second to clear his throat. 

Jimin's heart beats so quickly as he listens to him. He closes his eyes to catch his breath. "Yoongi, I feel... confused. Your presence makes me feel weird," Jimin breathes out and looks at Yoongi again, but this lingering feeling of anxiety and fear keeps popping up. This is what it is.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do," Yoongi sighs and gets up to watch outside from the tiny window on the meeting room, unable to stop sighing. "I'll come back on Friday," Yoongi informs and checks on Jimin who nods barely noticeably. Then Yoongi leaves the room. Only silence ringing on Jimin's ears, feeling guilt and shame over the top. 

Tomorrow is the first check-up. Jimin feels alone. He has always been alone. Or has he?

~~

Jimin walks inside to the office, where a lady with sweet smile greets her. Jimin greets back biting his lip, he's nervous. "I'm Lee Minhae, your psychologist, you can sit right there. Would you like something to drink? I've got green tea," she says and shows teapot before pouring some to a cup and before giving out answer Jimin takes the cup as she offers. "Thank you," Jimin mumbles, trying to find a comfortable position to sit. 

"So, what's your name?" she asks smiling gently, making Jimin feel more at ease. 

"Jimin, Park Jimin," he answers shyly and pulls his sleeves lower again. 

"So you know why you're here, on closed ward, would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I-I guess.." Jimin mumbles looking at his wrists covered by sleeves:"I tried to die."

"Had you been thinking about it for long?"

Jimin shakes his head and takes a sip of the green tea. "It's good, the tea," Jimin says and smiles weakly. 

"Okay, do you have anyone close, family? Friends? Relatives?"

Jimin had always felt distant talking about his family. "Friends," he answers shortly.

"Okay, do you mind me asking about your family? We could not contact them at any time," the doctor asks concerned. 

"I don't know my family. I ran away when I was 10, lived at my aunt's place until she passed way. I remember nothing of my birth parents, I don't have any memories of my childhood either," Jimin says and shrugs his shoulders. 

The rest of the time they discuss family issues, but Jimin isn't much help, he only remembers small glimpses of it. It's like his body hasn't even lived through childhood. 

"It's been pleasure to meet you, Jimin, next meeting is on Monday, if you feel comfortable you can invite your friend too, think about it," the doctor smiles and closes the notebook she has been writing on and walks on his table. Jimin hums agreeing. 

Somewhere in between meeting Yoongi, falling in love with him and leaving him behind before meeting again, Jimin has realized everything he has believed in isn't true. Believing he's fine, healthy, just a little sad once in a while. What he can't understand is why Yoongi's presence does this to him. Because he loves him so much. Has loved since the day they met. Something about those eyes, familiar. A sense of safety and fear mixing up inside him as he sees Yoongi. 

It can't be just coincidence. Yoongi reminds him of someone. But who? And is Jimin ready to face the truth he ran away from years ago?

A/N: I have nothing else to say than thank you for reading this far. I'm proud of myself.