I'm Sorry // 5sos sister

29. Locked Away and Twitter

**** trigger warning ****

The itching had gotten much worse during the car ride.  Hateful comments kept popping up on my phone and some of the girls I followed were beginning to hate me too.  As soon as we got back home after dropping Sam and Brenna off at their houses, I got inside as quickly as I could and ran up to my room saying goodnight on the way up the stairs.  

I walked over to my drawer where I had hidden my last blade from the guys.  I dug it out from under a pile of clothes.  I took it into the bathroom with me and this time I brought a long sleeve shirt and bracelets in with me.  I locked the door behind me and sat in the empty tub.  My phone beside me kept blowing up with hate about how I was fat and I should stay away from the boys.  

I dragged the blade across my wrist.  I watched as the blood bubbled up.  I felt like I was in some other world, I was numb.  I couldn't even feel what I was doing.  By the time I came back to reality I realized I had cut around thirty times, fifteen on each arm.  A few of the cuts were deeper than I was used to.  I then noticed the blood that had pooled in the bottom of the tub.  I stood up as quick as I could but a pang of dizzyness hit me from the blood that I had lost.  I made it to the sink and ran water over the cuts.

"Fuck!" I yelled as the water made the cuts burn.  That's when I heard the knock on the bathroom door.  I heard a voice and recognized it to be Ashton's.  I frantically scrambled to wash away the blood in the tub and bandage my wrists as I threw on the bracelets and long sleeve shirt.  After I made sure everything looked normal I opened the door to a worried looking Ash. 

"Jess, are you ok?"  He asked as he stepped into the bathroom and looked down at me.  I nooded my head and gave him a big smile and a double thumbs up.  He grabbed my wrist.  Shit.  He had seen the bandage.  "You never where bracelets on both of your wrists Jess.  Take them off right now."  He commanded me as my head dropped.  I would have figured he would find out sooner or later.  

I carefully pulled up the sleeves of my shirt and removed my bracelets to see that some of the cuts had bled through already.  Tears pooled in his eyes but he stayed calm as he took off the bandage and inspected the cuts.  "I'm sorry Ashton." I said as he kept his eyes on the deep cut I had made on my wrist.  He left the room for a minute and came back with a bigger first aide kit.  

"This might sting just a tiny bit."  He explained to me as he grabbed something out of the kit that looked like glue.  Ashton took of the cap and squeezed it in a line across the cut.  It did sting for a few seconds but it faded rather fast.  He applied it to a few other semi-deep cuts and then wrapped my wrists in a big bandage. 

After I had pulled my shirt sleeves back down, Ashton picked me up bridal style and carried me to my bed, knowing that I had lost a lot of blood and I was still somewhat dizzy.  He layed next to me and stared at my ceiling, glacing at me every now and then.  "You know that you can always come to me or one of the boys right?  We've been through it too."

"What do you mean?"  I asked as I carefully turned on my side making sure my cuts didn't re-open.  He took a deep breath and then looked at me.

"I know you saw the hate.  I saw it too.  In the car, I saw you itching your wrists but I didn't want to just point it out in front of everyone else.  I knew you were hurting.  The thing is, you just have to learn to ignore it.  Some people may hate you but a lot of people love you.  For example, me, Luke, Michael, Sam, Brenna, and even though I hate to admit it, Calum cares about you too.  We don't want to see you harming yourself because of some stupid girls who just want attention.  Think about all the girls who love you.  They have even started a trend on Twitter.  #Messie.  Some fans ship you and Michael hardcore."  He said as he gave a small laugh at the end.  He handed me my phone and I typed Messie into the search bar.  Sure enough, it was the fifth worldwide trend, along with Sashton and Lenna.  

"Wow."  I said as I scrolled through and saw how many edits and tweets about Messie there were.  Some fans tweeted "She is gorgeous, love her hair!" "Messie Forever" "She's one lucky girl, pretty and amazingly nice".  I followed as many of the girls as I could and watched their reactions as they started freaking out.  

"See, they really like you two together.  Anyway, good night Sis.  Love you."  Ashton said as he kissed the top of my head and got up and left.  Sleep finally took over and I fell asleep thinking of Michael.

******** Thanks to those on Insta that helped me decide to have Ashton in this chapter and I hoped u liked the double update.  I might update later tonight depending on how I feel :) comment and vote and yeah love u <3 :) ********