[ :: Poem Collection :: ]

Today was the Last day.

Today, I cried my heart out. 

I cried because I couldn’t find the knife in my drawer, 

the thing that helped me sleep at night , to chase away all my burdens away.

I cried because there was no guns in the house ;

to help me forget I wasn’t alone, in this awful place.

I cried because the rope wasn’t tight enough

to wrap around my little throat--

until the air was squeezed right out of my lungs. 

I cried because I wasn’t brave enough to keep myself

underwater, to see my cold & watery grave. 

& to feel the water suffocating me slowly, depriving me of the air I once loved. 

I cried when starving myself didn’t work,

because the doctors forced fed me through tubes

& I didn’t fucking want that (didn’t they realize I wanted to die).

I cried because they threw all the goddamn pills away

the only thing in my life that made me happy--

that made me think for once, ‘drugs were actually a good thing’. 

But I cried the most while cutting, 

because the moment I saw her tears 

fall, along with the blood dripping down, 

I realized, ‘how could I think I was nothing

when the person who gave me life obviously

thought I was something?’

Today, was the last time I cried,

-- the last time my heart was beating.