Shine like a diamond

Chapter Three

At school the next day, I was incredibly bored. I usually aren't but now, not being close to Ruby felt like something was missing, it felt like there was a gaping hole inside me. I couldn't really concentrate in class either, all that was on my mind was that I wanted to get out as fast as possible to meet Ruby. I wish she were in the same class as me. For the majority of the class time, I gazed outside through the window hoping for some miracle to occur and class to be dismissed. But of course, none of that happened. I had to wait until the bell announcing the dinner period rang to run outside and meet my beloved Ruby on the rooftop as we usually did. There I brought my lunch box and sat on a large metallic fan box and I waited for her to arrive.

I waited, and I waited, minutes were passing by but felt like hours to me. My face was fixated on the door, any minute now she would arrive. The door would swing open, Ruby would run to me and we'd eat our lunch together. But as more minutes passed by, I started worrying.

"Why isn't she coming? Did she forget about me?" I told myself.

I hadn't opened my lunch yet, I was waiting for her to arrive to do it.

"Usually she arrives here earlier than me, why isn't she here already?" I thought.

I started seriously worrying. During that time, many different ideas flew through my mind, all horrible ideas I knew were completely irrational, yet I couldn't stop them from reaching my mind.

What if she didn't like me? What if it was all an act? All that happened yesterday, did she fake it all? Was she dating someone else than me? Was I just a mere game to her? All these horrible thoughts, I knew them to be false but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't suppress them. I surprised a tear flowing on my right cheek. I wiped it but another one started flowing right away on my left side. My eyes were becoming more and more watery. At this point I couldn't hold it in any longer, I started crying my heart out. My eyes were flowing like fountains, yet no sound came out of my mouth. No sobbing, hot tears, I cried in silence.

I didn't feel like eating my lunch anymore. I was starving minutes ago but now my hunger was gone, replaced with anger and sadness. I took my lunch with me and I went back to my classroom. I had come to the conclusion the Ruby I loved would not come eat with me. I placed my lunchbox, still full, in my bag and I headed to the library.

Books have always been my passion. They were my escape from reality, whenever something didn't go right in my life, they were there to help me. Books do not judge you, books do not mind what kind of eyes you have or what race you are. Books will always welcome you to read them no matter what kind of person you are or what kind of problems you are facing. That's why I like them so much, they've always had open arms to me when others would not.

I picked up a book from the bookshelf that seemed interesting and sat down at a table to begin reading it. I noticed however that my reading speed had decreased considerably from my usual. It took me around two minutes to complete the first page.

As I turned it to read the next one, a dark mark appeared on the paper. And another one. A third one appeared right above the last one. It was water, the paper was getting wet, drops of water were falling on the pages. Water that appeared to come from my eyes. I was crying. I still couldn't get my mind off from Ruby and the horrible thoughts from earlier kicked back in.

What if I just wasn't good enough for her? Did she even care about me in the slightest? Does anyone care about me for that matter? Now that I think of it, I never had the confirmation that anyone cared about me. Even in Aqours, the school idol group in which I belong, I don't particularly feel at home. I don't feel like the other girls really want me there to begin with. I feel like the only reason why they even asked me to join was because I was with Ruby. She is beautiful, radiant, she sings and dances well and me, I'm not particularly pretty or anything. After all, why would they want someone ugly like me to be a member of Aqours. If I stopped coming altogether, would they even notice my absence?

I shook these thoughts away and placed back the book where I had taken it. It became clear that I wasn't in the mood to read anything. I headed back to class and sat down at my desk, waiting for class to start again.

The afternoon was as, if not more, long and boring as the morning had been. Even Japanese class which a literature nerd like me usually adored seemed endless that day. All I wanted was to come back home and cry in my bed, alone. Ruby would probably go back to her place and not to mine tonight. After all, she didn't come eat with me during dinner period, why would she bother coming by my place anymore? Why would she bother waste her time with someone worthless like me?

When the bell rang, I just walked straight backhome. I decided not to go to practice with the rest of Aqours. They wereprobably better off without me anyway, I would just be a burden to them, like Iam for everyone else.