Chasing After Him

08: Late Night Musing

[Beam]

Although it doesn't show, Beam is extremely bothered.

It was only later that night that he managed to think about what was in his mind, going over it in frustration.

He did not know why he was so particularly honest with Forth earlier. Everything he had said before was from his own heart. There wasn't even a hint of false statement.

It was all genuine.

Beam is the type of person who keeps his thoughts to himself. He likes playing around and being flirty. It's fun and he does like being the center of attention, especially when it comes to the ladies.

One thing he isn't though, is talking about his personal life and thoughts. Pha and Kit even only knows a few things about himself. He's not a fan of talking about himself. Not only is it not interesting, he also didn't think it's worth telling his best friends about it.

Much less his thoughts. It just seems so corny and cringy, telling about feelings.

So why was he so honest with Forth?

I can't believe I told him about all of that! What was on my mind?! Why did I feel the need to tell him?

Beam is coming to dislike himself these days. His mind has a clear objective but his body doesn't follow. It's like his body couldn't keep up with what his mind is telling it to do, resulting to impulsiveness.

I was too vindictive that time...

He revealed a side to Forth that no one really knew about aside from his two friends. He admits that he is a schemer and always had a plan in every situation he enters. He also admits that he could get nasty when he's patience runs out, especially when he's extremely angry. Unlike Kit and Pha though, he doesn't just get physical, he hits where it hurts the most.

He also rarely regrets it.

In this day, one has to know how to take care of himself so he could also care for his special people. It might have been a long time since that side of his revealed itself, but it's still there.

And Forth had seen it.

That might be a good thing though. At least he'll know I can plan my way out if he ever insist on talking about that night again.

It was only a second later that his eyes widened and he smacked his forehead heavily.

"Idiot Beam. You're the one who can't seem to forget about it!"

He wanted to. He badly wanted to forget it. That night was like a very big and unmistakable stain in his not so clean records. It was like it occupied a large amount of space in his dating experience. It's absolutely ridiculous considering he wasn't dating Forth. He never even contemplated it, not once.

Sure, he had noticed Forth's attractiveness back when he was a first year accompanying the reluctant Pha to his Moon and Star competition practice. It was hard not to. Out of all the Moons out there, the one whose attractiveness oozes out the most without even trying was Pha's and Forth's. Even the strong vibe he emitted is bloody noticeable. It was the reason why he uses Forth to tease Pha about his Moon of the Campus title when he won.

If Pha had his way and managed to wiggle out of that nomination, it would not be a wonder if Forth won.

But just because he noticed his attractiveness didn't mean he ever thought of him that way. He just knows how to appreciate beauty in a person no matter the gender.

But even with his open mindedness, he never even once contemplated on trying it with a guy.

Until he got that shuddering thought that he liked Kit.