Eli's Revolt

Act 4: Scene 4

At the Adams's residence, 7pm.

(Eli knocks on the door.) *Knock, Knock, Knock* (Virginia opens the door.)

Virginia - "Hey babe! Wow, (looks at her watch) you arrived exactly at 7pm. Babe, you know how much punctuality turns me on."

Eli - "Damn right I do." (Walks in with a new bravado.) "Where's the bedroom?"

Virginia (blushes) - "Oh my gosh babe! We can't right now, the kids are here!"

Eli - "Oh no! I meant Mr. Adams's bedroom, I have to drop off a letter for him from Figgins. I was instructed to leave it in his room. You know....Sons of Liberty super secret stuff."

Virginia - "Oh, okay. Well it is upstairs and to the left, and then take the third elevator to the 7th floor. From there you walk twenty paces and then turn left and there will be a book on a bookshelf which is seventy degrees from the window. Once you find that book, turn to page seventy-two, and on that page you will find a four numbered passcode, remember it! Take twenty paces back to the elevator and go to the 3rd floor, his room will be the 4th door on the left....or is it to the right? I can't seem to recall at the moment, but it is either the 4th door to the left or the 4th door to the right. Punch in that 4-numbered passcode and you will have access to his room. Got it?"

Eli (slightly overwhelmed) - "Yeah I think I got it, but may I ask you a three part question?"

Virginia - "You may proceed."

Eli - "Why can't you just give me the passcode? How fucking big is this house!? And what the fuck is an elevator!!!???"

Virginia - "May I give you a three part answer?"

Eli - "You may proceed."

Virginia - "I am not good with numbers. The house is as big as your mother and the elevator is the lazy man's stairs."

Eli - "Fair enough, I will call you if I get lost."

Virginia - "Sorry, you can't call."

Eli (annoyed) - "Why the fuck not?"

Virginia - "You have T-Mobile as your service provider, therefore you never have service...plus I didn't bring my phone charger, therefore my phone is dead."

Eli (in utter panic, shouts) - "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Wretched cruel world!!! Your phone was so young! It was only 3 months old! Why do the good ones die so young?! Whyyyyyyyyy!!!???" (begins sobbing.)

Virginia - "You realize these things do not actually die? You just recharge their battery and they come back to life..."

Eli (puzzled) - "Come again? What kind of witchcraft is this? Is this the good kind of coming back to life, like the Jesus kind? Or is this the dark magic kind, where the thing comes back to life but it is now evil?"

Virginia (playfully grins) - "Even worst....."

Eli (in terror) - "No..........How?" (He covers his mouth in complete dread.)

Virginia (trying to remain serious but fighting back a smile) - "Oh yes much, much worse. For this phone becomes a... zombie phone!!!"

(Eli is so frightened that he pisses his pants, throws his arms in the air, shrieks and then dashes away in horror.)

Virginia (laughs and says to herself aloud) - "Oh how did I manage to get so lucky with him?"