My Heart Will Choose (Luke Hemmings Fanfiction)

Chapter 6 *edited*

We decided to join Calum and John at Starbucks. It is somehow strange to think about John now. Now that I..know.
I'm not homophobic or anything like that, this knowledge just lets me see things in a different way.
I mean I thought they were in a relationship or I don't know..and now he is not even interested in women?
Well, good thing for me at least.

As we made our way out of Jefferson Road, Rebekka walked near by my side. I placed my arm around her waist and pulled her a bit closer to me, against my body. She frowned and I let go.
"Are you okay?", I asked and tried to keep my voice as calm as possible.

"Yeah, why shouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem so distant", I tugged at my hair, nervously again. What is it about her that I'm getting nervous about all the time?

"Oh..I'm sorry..I didn't want to be mean"

I actually don't know whether I should've been pleased by this answer or not. I decided against it:
"So what is it then? Did I do..something wrong? Come on, Rebekka! Just tell me now!" I surprised myself by raising my voice and acting kind of annoyed. I don't know. I couldn't think straight. As always when I'm around her.

"No. No, it's fine..it's just.."

"It's just what, Rebekka? What?"

"It's just..I mean you're a famous singer in a famous band, touring with other famous people, I mean-" ,I did not listen further than this. This was enough. I knew it. I fucking knew it all the time!
She's not better than all the other girls standing in the front row or even in the back.
She judges me for my job? My freaking job?! I mean..she can't be serious!

"Luke?"

I looked back up again. Rebekka was standing in front of me, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. She looked pretty worried.

"Are you okay? Did you hear what I was saying?"

I took one last look deep into her eyes, then turned on my heels and walked away. I didn't even know where I was going to, just far far away. Far away from this..this bitch, actually.

I mean why was she acting all interested in me just to tell me some time later that she is insecure about everything with us because I'm a 'rich boy'. Well, now that I think about it, she didn't even act interested at all, did she? I was confused again.
But God damn her. I didn't need her. I didn't need anyone, actually.

I probably should've went to tell the boys we're leaving but I didn't feel like facing John back then, who was with Calum at the moment.
So, I zipped my jacket and walked further, still not knowing where to.

-

After walking around goddamn Princeton for at least an hour I decided to sit down on the next bench in my sight.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Luke? Pull yourself together, man!

The voice inside my head was right. What's wrong with me? Did I really just take a flight to fucking America for a groupie? Well, actually she's not. A groupie, I mean.
She didn't even know my band, I guess.
Even worse. I took a flight to America for a random girl.
I was going insane! That's it. Ashton and his fucking keeks and selfies and dumb jokes made me go insane. Michael and his always serious attitude made me go insane. And Calum. And John. And Rebekka. All of them.

I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes. I heard the birds around me chirping and I felt a warm breeze on my skin. It's a beautiful day, actually. If it wouldn't  have been such a shit.
As I opened my eyes again, I saw an elderly couple sitting next to me on the bench. The man was holding his wife's hand, smiling at her. I don't know why, but I kept staring at them. The woman's eyes looked glossy and it took me a moment to realize that she couldn't see a thing.
I gasped and found it hard to breathe.
My gasp made the old man look up and look at me with a somehow confused expression. I was fast to turn my head away from them as he took her hand again in his, placed a kiss on her palm and smiled at her again while he whispered something into her ear. She started smiling at him and cupped his cheek with her free hand.
I decided to stand up and walk away, I felt kind of intimidated by them, but to be honest I don't know in which way.
The further I walked away from them, the more I felt my chest tighten and catch myself thinking about the way the old man smiled right in the face of his blind wife. Why can't life be as easy as that?

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