Addicted

Leaves

Addicted to leaves
But not ones that grow on trees

I am addicted to ones not born out of nature
Addicted to them as if they are part of mine

I feel an urge to leave
Maybe for so long that no one would remember me
An urge to leave the groups that seem to have accepted me

To leave them as I feel I lost my place

Like a leaf on a tree though it grows part of it
It soon falls and gets replaced with a new one
One so bright and young
One that would feed the whole tree strong

I'm addicted to that act 
To know that even if I was part
I would soon be not 
I will soon break and feel pain
Soon leave that I only have myself to blame

"I'm leaving," I say for the third and fourth time 

Yet I know deep down inside how much I would like to stay 

To be part of the experience long and short 
Yet here I am like a decaying leaf
Indeed I die but my death helps the tree strive 

Here I am again this is my alcohol 
What makes me somber 
What I do to ease the pain 
What I overdose 
In hopes, nothing would be there
That maybe this leave 
Would be one of life too
Maybe this time I wouldn't return at all

I'm addicted this thought no matter how much I try to fight. I go back into withdraw I am back into the cycle. I am here to stay, I say yet I keep having these thoughts. 
A want to leave as feeling that my stay would hinder others.