Short Stories!

Your Heart's Desire

My alarm clocks startles me. Time to get ready for school. Time to face those notes in my locker.

"Hannah. Are you up?" My mom calls from the other side of my locked bedroom door.

"I am. But I don't want to go to school today."

"No one does. You just have to deal with it."

"I know a few people that love school," I mutter under my breath.

"What was that?"

"I just said that I will deal with it."

"Good. Now get ready or you will miss the bus."

I go through the morning routine. Get dressed, brush hair, eat, get my backpack, leave. The same thing every day. I ride the bus every day. I always sit alone. Always whispered about. I walk through the large row of doors and into the prison that people go to. The one place where everyone belongs, except for me.

I travel slowly down the stairs to where my locker is. I slowly put in the combo, not wanting to see what note is inside today. The locker door swings open. I small, folded piece of paper falls out. I unfold it and read.

Why are you still alive? Isn't it bad enough that you are so

fat? Everyone looks away from you because you scare

them so much. Go jump off a bridge while you still can.

No signature. Not even handwriting. Just clippings from the newspaper. I refold the note and put it in a small pocket of my backpack. Right where all the other notes are. I grab my books and close the locker door. Time for P.E. The first class of every day.

The rest of the day goes fine. Or as fine as it could be. No one calls on me in class. That I am thankful for. I pull up the hood of my jacket and take the bus back home. Alone, no one to talk to. Nothing to do but listen to music and block the rest of the world out. My mom's not home when I get back, so I go to my room and pull out the notes. The notes that were left by strangers who hate me.

One by one I read them. One by one my tears fall.

Ugly, fat, stupid, whore. Go bury yourself. Jump off a bridge. No one wants you. No one will ever love you. Die. Die, die, die...

Eventually, I have enough. I put the notes in a locked box under my bed. A box filled with memories that only I know about. The rest of the week is the same routine. Hatred from strangers to me.

Friday. The last day of school for a few days. My break. Today is different. We have an assembly on depression and suicide. I sit alone in the back. My hood drawn over my eyes. The principal, Mr. Saundy, asks us all to write what we want to most on a giant poster board. I go up and see that most people have put money, pets, new clothes, a big house. I follow them and write money. Everyone watches as the poster gets hung by the front doors.

End of school. A new note in my locker. Folded nicely. I open it and see nice cursive.

Hannah, meet me by the football field after school.

I hope to see you there.

No signature. Probably just another joke. I decide to go anyways. No one I know would take time to know my name.

My mom calls me.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hannah. I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be home late tonight. The hospital just got a new psych patient."

"That's fine, Mom," I say. "I will see you tomorrow then."

"Right. See you tomorrow."

The end of the day bell rings. The bell that releases us from our shackles binding us to this prison. I walk towards the football field, ever so slowly. I get there. I sit on the bleachers. I wait. No one comes. I get up off my seat and start walking towards home.

"Hannah! Wait!"

I turn around. And there comes Santana. The guy I have had a crush on since fourth grade. The star football player. I freeze.

"I wanted to ask you a question, Hannah. I have for a while now."

"Yeah?" I ask weakly.

"Before I ask that question though, what did you write on the poster today? I said I wanted the most beautiful girl to date me."

"Money."

"Come now. We both know that's not true. You may have written that, but what is the truth?"

"There is no truth."

"Of course there is. I see you walking around every day, not talking to anyone. I see the scars on your arms from where you have cut yourself. I see how you have changed. It isn't even halfway through our Freshman year of high school and you have already lost your light."

"I don't want anyone to know the truth."

"Tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"I want to be loved. Not because they are family. Not because people pity me. I know I'm not pretty, but I just want to be loved for who I am on the inside."

"Hannah, you are the most beautiful girl I know. Both in personality and appearance. There is no one I would want to be with other than you."

"Why would you? What do you see in me?"

"I see a beautiful, sweet, kind young woman. Someone who can make me laugh on my darkest day. And someone who is just fun to be around. Come with me. I will give you a ride home."

I collapse in the damp grass and start crying. Santana sits next to me and holds me. Those people who put the notes in my locker lied to me. I am beautiful in my own way. I am loved. I deserve to live. It may be a rough road to healing, but now I have someone who will help me. Someone who cares for me.

AN

I hope some people might be able to read this story and feel something. I know that most people won't. If you know me, you would understand why I wrote it. I just felt like this was something that I needed to share.