Isolated and Lonely
There were these times within our relationship where you'd be so distant and withdrawn that I'd forget that you were a part of my life. The way you kept so many secrets from me and the way you would shy away from any sensitive or emotional conversation, it all made me feel so isolated and lonely.
You were so upset with the fact that I'd always value my feelings more than I did yours, but you have to understand how hard it is to understand someones true feelings if they have yet to make them known and that instead of telling the truth they always fed you lies.
You have to know that there were certain parts of my past where no one valued my feelings and no one wanted me to speak up, I tried so hard to learn to love myself and to be open with my emotions but when you told me it was a reason you'd come to feel differently about me I tried so hard to suppress it, to give off a more positive and carefree vibe even if it was far from what I was feeling.
There was this time I had called you up, I'd been feeling so down. You tried to distract me from the hideous thoughts that I had and I thank you for that, but that wasn't what I needed. I know it was probably scary for you and at nineteen you shouldn't have had to deal with my insecurities and my demons. I guess I was just being selfish, but I didn't want you to take my mind off it with silly stories about your friends or by telling me jokes in order to make me laugh, I just wanted to talk truthfully about the darkness that was taking over my mind. I wanted you to comfort me, to give me advice.
But you were trying so hard to make me smile, that I just pretended that I was fine. I push away the pain and the hatred that I had for myself just to please you but it wasn't gone forever and inevitably it came back, however this time instead of trying to make me happy you decided that you no longer wanted to be burdened with it, with me.
YOU ARE READING
Melancholia
Romance"a man who had brought her nothing but misery" I thought I was in love once, but that wasn't enough. I hope you find this interesting. it's such a strange new experience for me to share such intimate details about my personal life. I often find it s...
