Schizophrenic|| Sope

Chapter Two

They were now in Hoseok's bedroom, one he shared with Yoongi a lot more lately, since he started acting a bit more strange than usual. Yoongi was laying on his back on the big, queen sized bed, the sheets a simple blue color. He was stared up at the cream-colored ceiling, hands resting on his small stomach while Hoseok finished a paper at his mahogany desk, in his spinning black chair. They were silent besides the tapping of Hoseok's fingers against the keys of his laptop, moving them rather quickly, the ideas flowing out of him while he had the spare time to actually work.

Yoongi shifted to his side after a while, rolling on his side to watch the boy he was in love with while he was at work. It was rare that Yoongi got to see this. Hoseok was usually caring for him, making him dinner, making sure he wasn't having another one of his usual freak outs. It sometimes made Yoongi feel helpless and weak, but he knew Hoseok wasn't that way. For the most part, Yoongi appreciated how much time and effort Hoseok put into their relationship and his life.

Though, the thoughts of his loving boyfriend didn't stop his brain, the constant typing beginning to get to him. He tried to hold it in, even covered his ears to block out the sound, but that only seemed to enhance the sound and make him even more irritated with the laptop clicking. Yoongi bit the inside of his lip, not letting any sounds leave him, though it was being to be clear that it was inevitable he would stop Hoseok. He was going to ruin his schoolwork, just as he usually did. This made him curl up more, his brain telling him what a bad boyfriend he was, always messing everything up for Hoseok.

In his effort to not do that, Yoongi darted from the room into the restroom attached, slamming the door and falling against it. He didn't mean to, he just couldn't be the reason for Hoseok's failure. Not again, not ever. He didn't want to be such a disappointing boyfriend. But, he still managed to interrupt Hoseok's work, a soft knock sounding from the opposite side of the door. Yoongi scoffed when he heard it, accidentally, of course, but he still managed to do the main thing he was attempting to avoid.

"Are you okay?" Hoseok asked from outside of the door, leaning his body against it softly, his ear staying against the wood to listen for the other's voice in case it was quiet. He often got whisper-prone when he had his episodes. That, or yelling. He'd start off silently and gradually get louder and louder until it went away. That's what concerned Hoseok the most, when Yoongi got quiet. And, now, as he stood outside the bathroom door, Yoongi wasn't speaking, so he knew what was happening. It was another episode that he wasn't prepared for.

And then, an echoing sob left the bathroom. Loud, crisp, and clear. It made Hoseok nearly jump out of his skin. He sat there, staring at the door, listening to his boyfriend cry from inside. And he couldn't do a single thing. The door was locked. His words never worked, usually. All he could do was sit here and listen to all the little sounds leaving his boyfriends chest. It broke him more than Yoongi would ever come to realize. So, he sat down, too, his back against the door and head leaned back. If the wood wasn't there, they'd be touching spines. But Yoongi's was curled, his arms wrapped around his legs, face buried in knees.

"I'm so tired of feeling like I'm fucking insane," Yoongi let out, thick and tearful. Hoseok just listened, hands resting limply on his knees. He didn't know what to do or how to talk to Yoongi. Hoseok didn't want to admit it, but there was a slim piece of his mind telling him constantly that Yoongi might actually be insane, now matter how much he didn't want to believe that. So, he had no repsonse. Nothing empowering. Nothing special. And that made him feel like the most worthless boyfriend in the world.

"Do you know what it's like to be stared at when you walk to your locker? For people to whisper about you the minute you get to class, laugh at you behind your back and right to your face? Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to be pulled out of class by you day by day because I can't control what other people do to me? You don't. Yet, you still stay and you still try to help and you're constantly trying even though it never works. I don't get you. I don't get anything. Why are you still with me? Why do you like me so much? Is it because I love you? Do you really love me when there's so many better people who aren't fucking crazy?"

But Hoseok did understand. He was the boyfriend of someone who everyone at their college considered a psychopath. He, too, was considered crazy sometimes. Crazy for staying with Yoongi. Crazy for helping him through everything. And because of how calm he seemed on the outside, he was more often considered the crazy one, rumors spreading that he made Yoongi the way he was to this day.

But instead of telling Yoongi that, he clenched his jaw, rubbed his face, and thought for a very long time about how to reply. He couldn't tell Yoongi what he really wanted. It would only make Yoongi feel worse. It would make him feel at fault for everything wrong in Hoseok's life. That's how it always was.

"I stay with you because they aren't you. You've always been you, Yoongi. And I don't understand what's happening with you lately, but I'm not going to leave you because you can't control yourself. Min Yoongi, I love you. Just, please, stop blaming yourself for everything, and try to ignore everyone who makes you feel this way." Hoseok finally replied.

But Yoongi only chuckled, "I knew you wouldn't get it."