Reasons To Stay Alive

Letter to my suicidal self

An open letter to my suicidal self.

To you,

My breaths, my heartbeats, my scarred skin. My only living connection to God in material form. There are some things you should remember.

You've breathed with Death too many times. You sat across from him not long ago — a few days ago actually. You stared at his eyes and you dared him to make a move. It pains me to think of the way you felt when you were so close to handing yourself over to him then. Days later, you feel alive again. The love you thought was so elusive is knocking at the door of your heart's chambers. Open up to it, so that you may never feel worthless again. You've written so much about your longing to know what love feels like, my dear. Why would you want to die before feeling it, in it's entirety? The girl you thought had left — she just reminded you that she still loves you; the boy who shares your appreciation for coffee and beauty — he's your 2 am buddy; the friend who actually can't stop thinking about you — after two years, he still can't stop. Why would you want to leave them?

You used to beg God to give you reasons to stay. He's giving you people to stay for. Remember that the way you are feeling now never lasts. The monster tears you to pieces and you are left as nothing more than shreds, but you always manage to glue yourself back together. Always. Keep doing that. Until you get help. We can blame it on mood swings but we know it's more than that. I know you're feeling high from hunger and caffeine and infatuation right now, but tomorrow you might want to die again. Please, just don't. It's never worth it.

You haven't told mom you love her yet, you haven't seen dad get over the alcohol issues yet, there are poems that you are still trying to finish, you have books to buy and journals to fill. You still have to get back on that skateboard and feel the wind embrace your negative space as you ride next to him. What about finally meeting Yomna and Ismaeel? The two people who have gotten you through things when no one else did. Your fellow poets. Stay because they have to stay, too.

Teach yourself new ways to breathe. It's okay to feel this way. But that doesn't mean you should act on those feelings.

Read this when things get too much. Remember to meditate, please. It helps. Thank you for staying. I'm still trying to love you. It's hard, my dude, but we're getting somewhere.

Love,
Your Soul.

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Many things have changed since I wrote this less than a week ago, but I just had to share it with you guys. I hope it encourages you, in any way. I hope it can help change your perspective. I hope it can have any kind of positive effect.
I'd also like to encourage you guys to try writing your own letters that are similar to this, so that whenever you feel suicidal or depressed, you can read it. It does help.
Stay safe and stay alive.