Paris En Tu Invierno (ChuuVes FF)

iii.roissy-en-france,france.

Jiwoo.

"Come on, Chuu. We haven't got all day. The Uber just got here," Heejin sighed.

I lunged my bags over my shoulder and grunted. These things were too heavy to be carrying around. I read all the French signs in fluency. I helped Heejin direct her way through. I honestly haven't seen my second language this much before. It excited me. It also inspired me. With my acceptance letter in my fists (I had visited my family one last time before going away. They gave it to me, along with a small lump of cash), I was ready to take France on. Though, I didn't even feel worthy enough. I had no one but Heejin right now. She's the only one I'm counting on. I have to cherish her.

We ran outside. A man was holding a sign that read my name on it in sloppy handwriting. He immediately ran to tend to our bags. We sat in the backseat together. As soon as the man speaks, my brain freezes because I'm not used to engaging in too much conversation in French, but he spoke English. "Hey. Where are you guys from?"

"Je parle français," I say softly. It made me so nervous talking to him. But, immediately, my self-esteem took a small rise when he responds back to me.

"D'où êtes vous les gars?" (I translate to Heejin who is beside me "He says where are we from")

"Corée du Sud," I reply. ("Korea.")

"Comment connaissez-vous le français?" he asks. ("Where did I learn french?")

"Je veux chanter et la France a l'école de mes rêves. J'ai appris sur internet." ("I want to sing and French has my dream school. I learned through the internet.") Basic answer. But, it's true. I immersed myself in French television shows, music, and art. I thought of France as somewhere I can start anew. But, I still felt empty. My heart fluttered with excitement, while my head was filled with so much doubt.

I used to be so much better at being optimistic. But, I'm in a foreign country. I'm living off of her for now. Possibly, the dean will allow me to get a dorm here if they aren't full. I only have knowledge of the language. I don't even know anyone. But, what was left for me back in South Korea? Heartbreaking memories? A family that doesn't even want me and shoves cash into my face? People who judge me for my sexuality and my differences? I never fit in. Ever since Sooyoung walked out of my life, everything became so difficult to handle. It's not that I was dependent on her, I just needed her to keep my sanity. She was my impulse control. She was the light in my life that left.

We got to our new apartment. We unloaded our things. The space was slightly larger than our place back at home...well in Korea. Heejin pointed to a room on the left. "This is like a hotel suite."

"It's not though. It's a rented apartment," I say. "And we can finally have our own rooms." What a relief. I'm sure Heejin would be able to freely study all night with the lights on. I could sleep in the pitch black dark and think to myself. I like to think of this space as something that would allow me to not burden her. I always was in her face every time she came back from class.

"You know I'm only staying for a few months...I think 7, if I'm not mistaken," Heejin said. "When will you speak to the dean?"

"Maybe once I get acclimated with my courses. Like, in a week? Or later...i dunno."

"Just take your time. I'm sure if they really want you here, they'll offer a living space." Heejin placed her hands on her hips and looked out the window. "Damn. The view."

We looked out the window and there was a small glimpse of what Paris, France was. It was unique. It was different than Korea. It showed promise to me. I lifted my head up to see the sky, turning a dark shade of purple. I wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower tonight, though it was our first evening here. I was slightly jetlagged as well. I also made a promise that I will never look at the Eiffel Tower at night by myself. That promise was once for Sooyoung. We wanted to come here together and visit the tower. And share a kiss. But, maybe I should try to fall in love with myself for right now. I want to.

"Any food places near here?"

"How should I know?"

"Little Miss Fluent should know everything about France."

"There's something called I just know a language and there's also a thing called Google."

"Uber Eats?" Heejin waves her phone at me.

"Okay. I'll settle for something basic like...McDonalds..."

Heejin scrunched up her nose. "How common are you? We should try something local. Miss Fluent, give me a better suggestion."

"I always wanted to try steak frites. It's beef," I said. I type into my phone. "We're getting steak frites."

As time passed, we got our food. After eating, we settled into our own rooms. It was the first time I was in my own room since I moved out. The other thing is that I won't be hearing Heejin hum before going to sleep. I loved her voice, but she never saw herself as a singer. She was still studying botany and other sciences. I close the door behind me and meet my small room. A window peers out to a pretty view of cars zooming around. Lights were pretty. The Eiffel Tower was in the far distance, its lights brightly shining.

I felt like I was going to cry. I sat on the bed and opened my bag. Sniffling, I reach for a photo album of school memories. Heejin and I were grinning at the camera. A folded photo. I took it out to see Sooyoung on the other side of it. I bit my lip and felt at ease. I wonder what she was doing. Was she looking up at the same moon as me? It's a beautiful night. I'm in Europe and she's somewhere in the world. Maybe, with some other girl not thinking of me at all.