I'm sorry //adopted by pete wentz//

my dirty little secret

Phoenix wentz

*trigger warning: abuse*

I'm stumbling down a seemingly endless hallway from my past. Vision is spotty, I rub my eyes then drag my hand down the rest of my face. Blood. From my face, it covers my hand and the substance is dripping on my face mixing with my tears. I'm gasping for breath and trying too be silent as possible. I ran. I shouldn't have but I did. I didn't get very they'll find me any second now. I don't understand what happened to my parents. Sure they never showed affection like the other parents do or like they did with my brothers. Why didn't my mommy and daddy love me like all the other kids parents my age? I try to do my best, I don't act out so why? I much rather it go back to when they didn't show affection rather than how it is now where they show their hatred. Footsteps echo from behind me, I cover my head with my arms trying block out the voices, the ones in my head and my parents, a bottle crashes above me in the corner I'm cowered in. The glass shatters on my head and comes down cutting my arms with even more cuts. "I would think that by now you'd know not to run from us little girl" my so called 'father' bellows, grabbing my blood stained arm and yanking me up harshly.  My 'mother' slaps, then grabs my face digging her fake, acrylic nails into me. "I'm-I'm sor- sorry-y" I trembled, only leading for my father to hit me once more causing me to go limp and slither back into the corner. The floor below me and the walls I'm leaning on covered in blood. More hits. More punches. Things breaking on my head. " I'm so- sor-sorry. sto- stop please- please stop I'm- I'm sorry sorry-" I sob, the pain unbearable. Kicking, shoving, me crying, the pain, my visions gone blurry, I'm blacking out. "How did I give birth to such an ugly pitiful thing" my mother spits, "you deserve it, you deserve all of it and more" father yells kicking my head. I go unconscious, wishing for death to take me away, "you deserve it" ringing in my ears. 

*abuse over*

"you deserve it"

"Phoenix-"

"you deserve it"

"come on nix-"I feel someone shaking my shoulders.

"you deserve it"

"you have to wake-" I'm crying, I can tell, I rip away from the person grasp afraid of being hurt.

"you deserve it"

"it's okay please just wake up"  the voice sounds scared and cautious, but its just scaring me more.

"you deserve it"

*Trigger warning: panic attack* [basic summary will be stated later for those who would rather not read this]

"Phoenix please-" I shoot up, breathing heavily, pushing away into my headboard. I'm still crying, hyperventilating. The person who I now identify as Patrick but in my panicked state I don't recognize it as someone I knew. He was trying to hug me and calm me down, clearly worried and panicked himself. I'm having a full on panic attack, gasping for breath, "you deserve it" still blasting in my head. Patrick is saying something but his voice is muffled by my arms which are covering my ears, and my nails digging into my head. Without realizing it I start mumbling "I deserve it" to myself, rocking back and forth. Patrick manages to  get my hands off of my head, wraps one of his arms around me in a hug like form and the other holding back my hands for digging into my head. He's shhsing  me trying to calm me down. 

*Panic attack over in this pov*

"whatever it is you don't deserve it phoenix" he coos at me trying to calm me down. "Hey nix look at me, look at me okay" I nod my head, calming down slightly but not much." copy my breathing okay.. in 1 2 3 4 out 5 6 7 okay."   After a few times of the pattern my breathings still uneven but its getting better, I'm still crying but silently. He lets go of my wrist and hugs me letting me cry into him shushing me kindly and rubbing my back gently.