He Likes His Girls a Little Bit Older

Broken Hearts and Hospital Gowns

During the next few weeks and months, the rumor mill died down.  The fandom and the press seemed to have forgotten all about me.  The new 5SOS album came out with huge critical acclaim.  The tour began and I shipped crates of custom stage clothing to the tour manager.  I went on with my life as before with one notable exception.  Luke was relentlessly calling and texting me begging me to come back to him.  No matter how many times I told him that I couldn't - that he and his career were better off as things were now - he just wouldn't accept it.  I was doing all of this for him.  He just wouldn't understand.   I held strong knowing I was doing the right thing. 

I don't want anyone to think of me as a martyr.  I did what I had to do.  Luke is the love of my life.  I had to let him go so he could be what he'd dreamed of being since the Hemmo1996 days on You Tube.  The resentment that was sure to build would have been poison. Our love was perfect but our timing was not.  

August 6, 2018.
I woke up that morning and turned on my tv as I did almost every day. Scrolling across the bottom of the screen I read "Luke Hemmings Of 5 Seconds of Summer hospitalized in Los Angeles. Tour on hold."

I picked up my phone and texted Luke.  The text just hung there.  Not delivered.  I called - straight to voice mail.  I texted Ben, Calum, Ashton, Michael and even Luke's mom Liz who I'd never met but had been given her number by Luke a few months prior. I couldn't get anyone to answer me.  I was worried sick. 

I searched the net to see if there was anything on why Luke was in the hospital.  Finally on You Tube, I found a video from the concert in Tokyo.  I clicked to find it to be backstage footage.  There was Luke and Cal.  Luke was crying and leaning on Calum.  It looked like he was trying to catch his breath but was on the verge of hyperventilating.  My heart sank.  Just then, paramedics rushed in and put an oxygen mask on Luke.  The video ended.  I couldn't imagine what was happening but I had to see him. 

I tried to call all the people in my former "inner circle" but couldn't get an answer.  I grabbed a bag from my closet and stuffed a bunch of clothes inside, grabbed my phone, told Mick I'd be back in a few days and drove to the airport.  I called my neighbor and asked her to check on Mick.  The panic must have been apparent in my voice because she agreed quickly and told me to watch the road.  I parked and ran into the airport.  I had no idea what flights were even available but I was certain some airline was flying to LA.  I finally secured a seat on a flight leaving 45 minutes later.  I made it through security and in my seat right as the door closed.  Tears steamed down my cheeks as the plane left the ground in Nashville.    After an eternity in the air, we landed at LAX.  I took my phone off airplane mode and a text popped up from Cal. "Call me."  I stopped in the airport and called. 

"Hey Stoney," Calum said as he answered the phone on the first ring.

"Is he ok?" I said choking up as I spoke.

"Yeah. He will be.  He's at Cedars Sinai."

"Cal, what happened?  I saw a backstage video of Tokyo.  It looked like he was having trouble breathing."

"Well, we thought it was a panic attack.  But the doctors now think he had an 'episode'."

"Episode?  What does that mean!?"

"A nervous breakdown."

"What!?  Why!?  What happened?"

"You happened, Stoney.  You couldn't hear what he was saying to me on that video you saw.  He was saying that he couldn't breathe without you.  He couldn't catch his breath.  He just stood there and cried for you.  There was nothing I could say that would calm him down.  He kept screaming and crying.  I've never seen him - or anyone - that distraught. It really scared all of us.  So we brought him home to LA."

My legs went weak and I had to grab the wall to keep from falling.  How could I have caused THIS!  The only thing I wanted was for Luke to achieve his dreams.

"Calum. I. I never meant for this to happen.  I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving."

"I know, Stoney.  We all thought it was the right thing.  I don't think much will change for him until he sees you. Can you come to LA?  I can get you a ticket right now."

"I'm at LAX now. I jumped on a plane when I couldn't reach anyone."

"Go to the baggage claim level and I'll be around to get you in about 20.  There are probably Paps there - just a warning."

"Thanks.  See you soon."

I turned away from the wall and walked toward the escalator down to baggage claim.  A woman stepped down onto the same moving step I was on. 

"Are you Stoney?" She asked. "Are you here to see Luke?  Did he overdose?"

I moved away from her and tried to make my way down the escalator.  I hurried into a ladies room and went into a stall, locking the door behind me.  I heard other people come in.  I was trapped.  What a dumb move.  Finally, I unlocked the stall door and came out, hood up and sunglasses on.  I could believe this woman had followed me into the ladies room.  I pushed past her and went back out to the baggage claim lobby and out to the sidewalk.  I heard a horn honk and looked up to see Calum's car.  I ran to the passenger side and got in.  Cameras flashed behind us. 

It was a fairly short trip to Cedars Sinai Hospital.  Calum pulled onto an underground garage ramp, to a set of glass doors where we parked.  We entered the hospital and boarded an elevator just inside.  Calum read a code off the palm of his hand, keyed it into the pad on the wall and pressed 6. He texted someone on this phone.  I saw that it said "she's here".

The elevator opened on the 6th floor and we stepped out.  Calum lead me to Luke's room.  I could see Luke's mom standing outside the door talking to Ben.  I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome or blamed. 

"Liz, this is Stoney." Calum said as we approached the door. 

"Hello. Thank you for coming.  He won't talk to anyone except you." Liz said with tears in her eyes. 

"May I go in?"  I asked.

Liz opened the door for me and I stepped inside the dimly lit hospital room.  Luke was laying in the bed on his side facing away from the door with his knees pulled to his chest.  He wasn't making a sound.  I walked around the bed and knelt down so we would be face to face.  His eyes looked so empty.  I touched his cheek and said "Luke.  I'm here."

"Am I dreaming?" He asked through his tears. 

"No baby.  I'm here."

"Are you staying?  Please say you're staying.  Bridget.  I can't be without you.  You have to stay!"  Luke said desperately. 

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. But I couldn't hear any of them. 

"Luke. I'll never leave you again."

He smiled through his tears and and I through mine.  Who cares what anyone thinks.  Some people are meant to be together.  Everyone else be dammed.