(Completed) Touching Poetry: Volume II

pain...

***WARNING. This poem may be triggering. Read with risk if you wish.***

pain...

that's exactly what i'm feeling right now.

internally melting.

crying out...

trying not to cry while writing this to share to the world who maybe feeling,

exactly what i'm feeling.

no more beating around the bush.

or pretending like i'm numb.

i don't feel that yet....

i don't want to...

because if i do...

Yasmine wouldn't come back.

i feel like a robot...

i don't feel real...

you know?

you may not understand,

or you may...

i've never experienced this type of darkness before.

putting xxxtentacion on repeat.

killing my mentality,

the chemicals that create emotions...

wait...

i just said i wouldn't grow numb...

maybe it's too late...

maybe i'm too late to bring you back to me.

imagine letting water drops hit your canvas,

and you just stand in the corner of the shower...

and you just let the hot water create steam...

you take it all in,

letting your soul melt away,

as you grip the towel holder to keep yourself from falling to your death...

and you just can't hold on to all of the pain anymore...

so you shout and cry and grip your chest from having a panic attack...

you can barely breathe now...

doesn't matter if the water burns...

you just don't care anymore...

because all you want is their love.

i loved you with all of my soul.

with all of my being.

i was so stupid for pushing you away...

but that's me.

i run away when things grow perfect,

i run away for many reasons...

i'm sorry is not good enough.

i cry out for help silently...

always thinking "I'm a big girl I can handle it by myself..."

i keep telling myself don't cry...

don't starve yourself...

get some sleep, he's done with you...

reality always hits me in the head.

and like i've said before...

no matter if you want to not push on or if you do want to push on...

time still pushes your ass on.

you're still slowly dying,

the moon and sun will always appear and leave repeatedly.

regardless of how many times i say to leave you alone repeatedly in my mind...

i will always crave you my love.

and i know you'll never come back...

but just remember...

I love you. Forever.

-Yasmine Phelps