Echo of Thoughts

Day 13

  I know I told you I would never leave.
I know I promised.
And you know how I don't like breaking promises.
But this wretched body of mine does not wish to go on for much longer.
We tried. You know we did.
But in vain. My deteriorating body is uncontrollable.
But my soul isn't.
Apologies aren't going to make up for anything.
So I'd rather not use them.
I'm not going to make any more promises, they aren't really on my side for the time being.
You can cry when I'm no longer here.
You can let it out.
The grief. The empty space. The anger.
Yell at me for leaving you to fend these monsters on your own.
Yell at me for not being physically present anymore when you stand proud with a huge smile after a success.
Let it all out.
But please. I beg of you.
Do not stop living.
It'll be hard. You can take baby steps.
But do not stop living.
Do not stop cherishing the little moments, the beautiful things.
I'm being selfish here. But just do it for me.
My soul won't be able to bear that.
Don't stop loving.
Don't banish happiness.
Don't shut people out.
I know I'm asking of too much but give it all a chance.
I beg of you.
Listen to your heart.
Follow what you believe in.
Be brave, darling.
Above all, I will never leave your side.
Never for one second will I stop watching over you.
I will never cease to be your confidante, your bear, your guardian angel.
I'm here. Right here.
I may not be physically present but
I'm here." "Dad..." My breath hitched -