18

Chapter Seven: Gluttony

It's been two years and three months since Matt and I broke up. It is now March, 2014. I haven't talked to Anthony since May, 2012. He got a boyfriend while I was with Matt, and he went to college, and then in May, he moved to California to be with his boyfriend. I... I didn't even get to say goodbye...

I'm all alone. I have nobody. It is March 2nd, two days before my eighteenth birthday. Jordan want's to find me a boyfriend so I can get some birthday sex "like I deserve". Sometimes Jordan is so weird. I don't want a boyfriend. I want Anthony back. Just when I needed him most, he left me. Completely ignored me. He blocked me on Facebook, got a new phone number. I haven't even seen his mom. Anthony stopped going to dance, but I stopped first. It was either stop dancing, or have surgery. I chose to stop. My mom thought that since I loved Anthony so much, it must have been difficult to stop. And it was. I never wanted to stop being around him. His scent, his skin. Everything about him made me happy, like I was on a natural euphoria around him.

It's two God damned days before my birthday. I've temporarily blocked anyone from posting to me about my birthday on Facebook. I have my phone turned off. I don't want anything to do with being eighteen. He lied to me. He's a liar. He's a sinner. He's a loser, a faker, a cheater. But he's perfect. I pop a CD into my CD player, and I turn it up.

I hate you when you're gone.

I hate you turn me on.

I hate the way I need you when I don't know where you are.

I love it even more, when I find you on the floor.

I know you think you hate me,

But I will always hate you more.

-I Hate You by Sick Puppies.

That song reminds me of Anthony. Then the next song comes on.

So wake me when I'm sober,

The sky's too hard to hide.

I should have known better.

If only I could be

Strong enough to see

That it's over,

I wish I'd never loved you.

'Cause you were 'sposed to be,

Coming back to me,

Where are you now?

-Should have Known Better by Sick Puppies.

That song reminds me of Anthony, too. I start to think that the CD I put in was a Sick Puppies CD, but then the next, and last, song comes on.

Just close your eyes,

The sun is going down.

You'll be alright,

No one can hurt you now.

Come morning light,

You and I'll be

Safe, and, Sound.

-Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars.

I start to cry. That is such a beautiful song, and it came out on a soundtrack for my favorite movie of all time, The Hunger Games. I read the books, and fell in love with Gale. Then I fell in love with Finnick when he was introduced. Time sure had flown. I miss Anthony too much. I fall onto my bed, and fall fast asleep.

When I wake up, it's March 3rd. I want to stay in bed all day, but I can't. My mom would never let me. She has always had this tradition, a lot like Christmas, where you get to open a present the day before your birthday. I get out of bed, and get dressed. The sun is shining through my window, the weather outside is 75º out. I change into skinny jeans, light wash with small rips, and roll them up to my knees. Then I pull out a white v-neck by Lion's Crest, and pull my long, ebony hair into a braid. My hair now comes down to my waist. I've been growing it out since Sophomore year in high school. Now I'm a Senior. I graduate in June, and I plan to go to Cornell for Pre-Med. They had a great Med school.